I come from a very competitive family of shit-talkers. One of the most beneficial moments in my development as a punk-ass kid was when my Dad taught me how to play chess. And I don’t mean when my dad taught me that white moves first, or that you must protect your king, or that the knight moves in an “L” shape direction. I mean, when my dad REALLY taught me how to PLAY chess. The lessons he gave me about the strategy of this ancient game still reside in the way I live life today:

-play by the rules;
-use your mind to defeat your opponent;
-figure out what they’re doing before you plan your attack;
-always plan three moves ahead;
-never concede, force them to beat you;
-be gracious in victory and defeat.

When I reflect on the night, it reminded me of the many intense chess matches I would get into with my little brother Miguel when we were younger. There was a battle of the mind taking place on the board, but there was also an external skirmish of egos between Miguel and I. We would talk so much shit to each other before the game (“Hey bro, you wanna get whipped up on the chess board or are you scared?”), during the game (“Dude, I got you on the ropes. Your knights are already gonners, I dare you to move that bishop, and your queen, pfft, just hand her over now so we can get this over with, please.”), and after the game (“Hey, next time bring your A-Game bro, ’cause its just not fun for me to beat you like that”). It was fun and funny. We played this gentleman’s game with the mentality of a couple of street ballers from Rucker Park. And whether we won or lost (and boy did we hate to lose to one another) we always looked forward to the next match.

The bout on Saturday gave me a flashback to those moments. Everyone in the building that night saw the external battle that went on between the Bombshells and the Schoolyard Scrappers in the form of vicious shoulder and hip checks, but I venture to guess that very few were able to see the chess match that was going on underneath. Saturday’s game was a very intelligently played bout by both teams. Minor adjustments were made on the fly, major adjustments were made during half-time, strategies had to be altered based on the moves made by the opponent, and personnel had to be moved around accordingly. This bout played out like a chess match. Like pieces on a chess board, these ladies moved on the track like they only had one thing in mind: Checkmate. But it wasn’t gonna come easily. The best chess matches have mentally strong and highly skilled players who won’t allow you to win in a few moves. Some of the best matches take hours and you usually don’t know who’s gonna win until its over. Such was the case on the banked track last Saturday night.

In this man’s mind, the Queen of the track is always Lady Lawless. Regardless of my personal bias and forget the fact that she’s the team’s captain, when you think of Lawless in terms of skaters, she’s the most powerful piece on the board. She bears the abilities of all the other pieces in that she can play all positions and can move in any direction. She was used to defend the Scrappers’ assault with her annoying booty-blocking and crowd arousing hits. Or, she was the tip of the spear of the Bombshells’ offensive attack on the Scrappers to score points with her physical jamming style. When she was ready to score points she directed her teammates and sliced through the pack. When she was stifled by The Plaid Curtain, she fell back to help defend her pack.

Then you have the supporting cast of pieces. The Rooks, Bishops, and Knights.

The Rooks are our rookies, Dottie Danger, Elizabitch Taylor, HollyHood, and Sweet Revenge. These ladies are still new to our system but they can hold their own. Right now they see the game on a linear plane and are still learning how to be creative on the track with their skills. Mentally, they’re still in a spot where they see the game as moving in only a few directions: forward, and left and right. The game doesn’t move in their heads like it does with some of the senior skaters so they don’t see all the angles and turns of this game like our bishops and knights. That’s something that they’ll acquire from experience. That’s one of the advantages the Scrappers had over us: experience. They got nice a core of veteran skaters that skate so well with one another. Once these rooks get a few bouts under their belts they’ll skate with so much more confidence and their vision of the game will become 3-Dimensional. I haven’t completely crunched all the numbers but just from what I remember at the bout, the Bombshells performance of the night came from a rook, HollyHood. She even surprised me. However, I wasn’t surprised by the skill we all know she has. I was more surprised and impressed by the heart she skated with. I saw a side of her that I could have never caught a glimpse of during practice drills or scrimmage. She played with emotion and when you mix uncanny skill with heart, the last thing you want to hand a person like that is defeat, because it makes them stronger. She was ready to get back to the drawing board as soon as the bout was over. She did it all on Saturday night. She put a 10 point jam up on the board and laid more than a few Scrappers down on the track.

Our Bishops are Prima Donna and Samba Slugger. They’re quiet, calm and patient. They’re not as aggressive as the knights, but what makes these two skaters such an important part of our team is the manner in which they choose their moments to attack. They really level out the personality of this team with calculated moves that often frustrate me because I would rather they get in their and bust shit up! But it took me a while to realize they balance out our team effectively. It wouldn’t be a great thing to have a bunch of skaters who are like bulls in a china shop. We need skaters like these that can play a cerebral game. Watching them skate on Saturday night, I can tell when they’re planning their next move deliberately, they wait, and when the moment is right, they locate the angle to attack.

Our knights are our fiercest skaters. Veterans of the game who are battle tested and command respect on the track from their teammates and their opponents. Our knights are Sho’Nuff, Ruff Ryder, Hellcat Maggie, and Celeste. These ladies have been around the track more than a few times and their is very little they haven’t seen on the field of battle. These ladies understand the game and how to play it. Their skill and experience allows them to move in just about ever direction on that chess board of a banked track, be it physically or mentally. Sho’Nuff is really starting to own her position on the track. The timing of her hits is coming close to perfect and once she gains the ability to move laterally up and down the track, people are going to be afraid to skate on the low side of the track when she’s on it. She taunted the Scrappers’ Jammers to try and take that inside pipe, and on a few occasions she made them pay by sending them into the infield. She faced some tough blockers and always kept her head on despite how they overwhelmed us in the second half. Hellcat Maggie has taken her play to another level on this banked track. Her communication on the track is crucial and her line-ups consistently do well because of the way she directs her pack with authority. Her voice pierces the ears of both her teammates and her opponents. To us, its music to our ears. To them, its like that annoying beeeeeeeeep that’ll come on TV from the Emergency Broadcasting System from time to time.

It was a well fought game by all the skaters. Each piece played the role they were supposed to, and though we came up short to an excellent team, there is much that we took away from this. And just like Miguel and I, as soon as that bout was over, we were already excited and ready for the next one. Ready to fix all the mistakes we made to let that bout slip away from us. In fact, I don’t think its even fair for me to discount what the Scrappers did by phrasing it that way. We did let it slip away, but more than that, the Scrappers took it. They got on that track in the second half and to me their skating said, “We’re going to take this from you.” I admire that killer instinct and its something that I aspire for our team to have. It will come with experience. We learned a lot playing the Scrappers. We learned a lot about the game and we learned a lot about their skaters. The Matrix Reloaded is my favorite movie of all time and a quote from that movie came to mind when I reflect on the bout. Seraph, the protector of the Oracle (ok, I just officially entered geek-mode) said: “You don’t truly know someone until you fight them.” And I’ve never thought more about that quote than I did after this bout. I have much respect for the girls on that team. They exposed their hearts, their strengths, and their vulnerabilities. The Bombshells exposed a side of them that I don’t think ANYONE has seen this season. We challenged them and pushed them to their limits. I think everyone that night saw the Scrappers at their very best, and it was a little scary to watch how good that team was.

There’s only a single complaint I have after such an epic bout. Both teams played their hearts out and its seemed both teams would leave the track respecting one another like two MMA fighters who hug one another in respect after beating the shit out of each other. But Kat Von Double D’s had to leave a bad taste in our mouths for her team after such a delicious bout. She is such a great blocker on the track and she has a lot of experience on skates. In my eyes, she’s a knight on that board but her attitude reduces her down to a pawn. In the last few moments of the final jam of the bout and shortly there after, we all got to see an unfortunate display of horrible sportswomanship. She had just gotten handled and sent into the infield by one of our blockers, slow to get up the pack went on and she ended up about 40 feet behind it. That’s when she eyed Celeste coming around turn 2 and decided she was going to try and take her out well outside the engagement zone when her team was up by 20 points and the bout was practically over. That’s not only illegal in this sport, its dirty and its dangerous. Most of all, it was pointless. The rules state that you’re not allowed to engage a Jammer if you are 20 feet outside the pack. She took it a step further by doubling that distance and tried to take out our best Jammer when it didn’t even matter. Classy. And when that was over and the Scrappers took their much deserved victory lap, every single Scrapper slapped hands with a Bombshell to show respect for a good bout, except Kat. She skipped our entire line to wave at the crowd and flash her ass. Very classy. Even in victory you should be gracious to your opponents, to not be is worse than being a sore loser. But like Seraph said, “You don’t truly know someone until you fight them.” She showed her true colors that night and it was disappointing because I think she would have so much more respect from people as a skater and a person if she cleaned up her act. The reason this entire sequence disappoints me is because the move she pulled was negligent. Since the first demo bout at least one skater has gotten hurt at every bout. Dolly de Los Muertos, one of my favorite human beings, had to hang her skates up after the Demo bout because of a concussion. Angela Darkeness, a phenomenal jammer, is no longer on skates with the league because of shoulder injury she suffered in her first bout. Mia Pow Wow and Venus Vendetta also suffer from shoulder injuries. One of the Bombshells former skaters, Juana Band-Aid, had to hang her skates up for a while as well because she separated her shoulder during banked track training. Its almost guaranteed that at least 1 skater will get injured at every bout. Shoulder and knee injuries are becoming all to common in this sport and after the move that Kat pulled on Celeste, the Bombshells now have a jammer with an ailing shoulder. And for what? So that everyone could see her in all her attention-begging glory. Everyone is here to have a great time playing derby and sometime rules are broken on the track during the heat of the game and they’re usually unintentional, but her display was calculated and deliberate. The proof is in the video I possess. Its despicable to watch. No one is here to get hurt and with the judgment she exercised in that last few moments of a memorable bout she’s fortunate that things didn’t turn out worse. I’m happy there wasn’t a serious injury to Celeste to weigh on her conscience. I would feel like shit if I pulled something like that and hurt another skater when it didn’t even have to happen. Phenomenal skater and blocker, horrible representation of her team.

But you know who rocked that track on Saturday night, Cruella DeMille. If I had to pick a Queen piece on that team, she would be it. She owned her position more than anyone on her team. She’s a blocking specialist and her team uses her so well. And if you know me, effective blocking is more important and impressive than fast jamming. She frustrated the hell out of me because she’s so good at what she does. She was movin’ and layin’ Bombshells down on the track all night long. We had very few answers for her. I’m glad Mizz Nashty was on the track Saturday night. She showed a lot of heart getting out there with her ailing knee. Her team needed her leadership and I for one was hopeful that she would be on the track Jamming for the Scrappers. If we were going to beat them, we wanted to beat them with their full squad on the track, and her with the star on her helmet. And finally, we got to see a great game out of Vanessa Velocity. Her finger prints were all over this bout. We got to see her jam against Lady Lawless in the first half and it was an entertaining jam. Lawless got out the pack first but VV was right behind her with the help of only two blockers on the track. It looked like she had no skates on the way she ran after Lawless and caught up to her. She saved her team a lot of point because the Bombshells had 4 blockers to the their 2. Lawless was forced to call the jam off and skate off with 0 points. So frustrating for us, but mad props to her for not giving up and saving the Scrappers some serious points. After the first half the Scrappers reduced her Jamming frequency and dropped her to the back of the pack to be a power blocker against our Jammer. And it worked. She’s skilled and you would never expect the brutal hits she delivers to come from the frame she has. We had difficulty dealing with her as a blocker.

This was a very defensive chess match between these two teams. In the Scrappers first two bouts they were able to put well over a 130 points by themselves. There were only 150 points scored in this bout altogether. Chess isn’t always about the offensive attack. Most often its about how you defend your pieces. It was a neck and neck game through the first few jams of the 4th quarter. The Scrappers made a move, then the Bombshells made a move. It went back and forth, making for an exciting game. I had several people come up to the skaters and I and tell us that it was the best derby bout they had ever seen. That made me proud. Proud to be a part of it. Proud to be on the team that made a Scrappers bout interesting rather than a blow out. Proud to stand across the infield from fierce, challenging and worthy opponents. The fans are oh so important to the Bombshells so to put up on a good show in a losing effort was more than satisfying. In my mind, the skaters are #1, the fans are #2. I think both groups walked away from the bout on Saturday night with something they’ll never forget. In the end, the Scrappers poured it on in the 4th quarter and it was they who yelled “CHECKMATE.” Well done, Scrappers. Its my intentions to make sure our teams get another chance to sit at the chess board again during the playoffs.

My next blog is gonna be about the stats that came from this gritty bout. So though I didn’t give you any on this post, be assured I’ll be breaking down the numbers in the next one.

In the meantime, I’d like to invoke a little reader participation and I want to hear what was your favorite moment of this bout. Which skater blew your mind? Leave a comment below and share the moment from this bout you wont forget. Thanks readers!

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Alkaline Trina and yours truly

Out of the 12 girls we have on our roster, only two of them have ever known the feeling of winning a derby bout. Prima Donna is the O.G. Bombshell and being one of the founders of this great league, she was around during the Bombshells early winning days of Season 1. Celeste came to Bombshells this season after 4 very successful years with the Brutal Beauties dynasty. Other than these two ladies, not a single skater on this team has ever taken a victory lap. Most significantly the Bombshells 2nd most senior skater, Alkaline Trina, has never skated to victory. When we got the news that this would be her last bout with us before she moved back to Texas, the entire team’s focus shifted from just winning the bout, to wanting to win the bout for Trina. It was our desire to send off our beloved jammer with a win under her belt after 3 seasons.

Alkaline Trina has always held a very special place in my heart. When I first started coaching this team there was one skater that always stood out to me, and it was her. She was the smallest skater on the team, but what she lacked in size she made up with speed, desire, and good ole’ fashioned hard work. At practice, when some skaters would waffle, I could always expect that Trina would bring it every time for every drill. She stood out to me because the athlete that lives in her is almost a mirror image of the athlete that lives in me. I wasn’t the biggest or the strongest, no matter what sport I played. But I was jam packed full of desire, speed, and a hunger to learn the game so that I could use my mind more than my body when I play. Just like Trina. I looked to my leaders for guidance and took seriously what they gave me. Trina does that. I took that same advice and passed it on when it was my time to lead. Trina does that too. She put on a great performance for her farewell bout putting up 24 points and averaging 3.4 ppj (points per jam). She controlled most of her jams acquiring the lead jam 6 out of 7 times. She will be missed. Not just by this team, but by the lives of the people that she became a part of during her time here. I’m going to miss her so much I had to show her somehow, so I wore a special edition T-Shirt in her honor.

Did anyone happen to catch a glimpse of Celeste on the track? I think the only instances where I was able to get her in focus was when she was on the bench resting and when she went wheels-over-heals in the air in the beginning of the 4th quarter. I swear, it was like I was watching that moment in slow motion thinking like Ricky Bobby, “Oh man, she’s flying through the air. That ain’t good.” Other than that, the girl was in constant motion rotating around the track racking up points. She brings a much needed killer instinct to this team. She wants to dominate and destroy opponents and she did just that. She stepped in as our jammer 9 times and logged 50 points. Yes, you read that right. But I’ll repeat it just in case. She scored 50 of the Bombshells’ 121 points, in 9 jams. She logged jams of 7, 8, 8 and a mind blowing 10 point power jam. Her performance earned her the admiration of her team which voted her the game’s MVP. Well deserved.

We executed our game plan well against the Beauties, which was to neutralize their power blockers who like to hang out in the back of the pack. I understand it was the first bout of the season, however, we didn’t play at the level of derby excellence we strive for. There is much we need to do to get to that level. One thing we really need to work on is our awareness on the track. The ladies did a great job in containing the Beauties’ jammers for a majority of the bout, but there were too many instances where their jammers were coasting by a Bombshell blocker and they didn’t even realize it until they saw the star shoot by. Its easy to tell when they know they’ve missed her because I can see that look on the Bombshell’s faces the moment it happens like, “Aw sh*t! There she goes. Dammit!” We played a clean bout for the most part only logging 8 major penalties a couple of which came by way of accumulation of minors. I say that because I honestly thought we would have more for our first live action banked-track bout. We had a bit of scare in the first quarter when our power blocker, Ruff Ryder, picked up a major penalty in each of the first three jams she skated in. We weren’t half way through the 1st quarter and we still had 3 whole quarters to play and I had already watched our strongest blocker sit in the box three times. Two more majors and she was a gonner. It was like she was hyping herself up before the bout with some Ludacris the way she was throwin’ them ‘bows. And as I said before, and I’ll say it again, elbows are the number one killer of all the penalties in this game. Fortunately, Ruff Ryder was able to regroup and get her head back on because after that she didn’t log a single penalty for the rest of the bout.

I have to give much credit to our blockers. I’ve spent much time developing our blocking schemes that at times I think the Jammers feel like they don’t get enough individualized attention during practice. I don’t do a lot of Jammer-specific drills. The bout on Saturday made a good case as to why. We put 120 points up on the score board and the lion’s share of the credit goes to our blockers. Hellcat Maggie, Sho’Nuff, Samba Slugger, and Ruff Ryder and the rest of our blocking crew are the reasons we were able to put those kinds of points up. They created lanes and allowed the inherent agility and speed of our jammers to do the rest. Blockers win games, Jammers get the glory. We won that game in large part due to how these skaters executed our strategy.

The Brutal Beauties rookies stole the show on Saturday night. Their team as a whole showed a lot of great improvements with the addition of these new skaters. The break-out performance of the night goes to Kimber Slice. The announcers had a little difficulty with her name but I don’t think any of us will forget it again the way she ripped the Bombshells apart. We were able to contain her on a few jams but what impressed me was how smart she played after breaking the pack. She completely owned the track the three times she had lead jam. The three times she acquired lead jam she had jams of 4, 4, and 5 points. These jams were devastating to us because she blazed through our pack, scored her points, called off the jam, and the Bombshells jammer had to skate off the track with 0 points, EACH TIME. She put up 13 unanswered points for her team. If she can find more support from her blockers to help her get out of the pack first, she’s going to be a Beauty to be reckoned with in bouts to come. In this case, I don’t think its fair to say, “Welcome to derby, Kimber Slice.” I think its more appropriate to say, “Welcome to Kimber Slice, derby!”

The Beauties top point scorer was also a rookie. The “LAP” Dancer sits at the top of the point totals with 25 points averaging 2.5 ppj. She jammed for her team the most, putting that star on her helmet 10 times during the bout. Also, I would upgrade Pint-Sized Punch to a Quart-Sized Punch after the improvements I saw in her jamming game from last month. Her point totals and averages went up while the frequency of her jamming went down. Last month she jammed 13 times for 15 points and an average of 1.1 points per jam. Saturday night she jammed 8 times for 18 points and an average of 2.25 ppj. That’s a nice jump. This in itself shows how much of an impact the rookies are having on this team. They picked up at least two rookies that could fill in at the Jammer spot right out of Fresh Meat. They just didn’t have enough jammers last month and I think that made all the difference this month because they put up more points against us than they did in the last bout. And speaking of Jammers, where was Tabby T-Bag all night? We didn’t see her jam till the 4th quarter. I found that a bit curious considering she was the Beauties’ top point scorer in last month’s bout, scoring half of her team’s points. Each team thinks and does things differently, but if it was me managing I wouldn’t have waited till the 4th quarter to put in the jammer that has already shown she can get lead jam, score points and call off jams. Overall, the Beauties were a much better looking team this month. Not only do I think so, but the numbers say so too.

I gotta give it up to the captains and leaders of the Bombshells and Brutal Beauties, Lady Lawless and Red Rocker, respectively. Lady Lawless was the spark plug that not only got her team going, but she had the fans going as well. She played a big part in leading and directing the blocking schemes on the track which translated to easy pickins for our jammers. She hyped up the crowd and sent the Bombshells into half time with a boat-load of momentum with her 10 point power jam at the end of the 2nd quarter. She didn’t wear the star very much on the night but she was efficient when she did. She put up 18 unanswered points. She had 3 jams, owned ‘em all from start to finish, doing her part to shut out the opposing jammer each time. She had two jams of 4 points to the Beauties 0 and had the highest average of the night with 6 ppj. I really enjoy watching Red Rocker skate. She’s fierce and she has no quit in her. When I see her skate up to the high side of the track, I know only one thing is to follow: DEVASTATION TO ALL BELOW. She laid some great hits on every corner of the track and almost sent one of our jammers out of the track between the guard rail and the kick rail. She’s consistently exhibits great sportswomanship. When she stepped off the track, she was ready to have a good time and even took a few moment to razz it up with Lawless and I at the after party. I had fun watching the two of them bounce off of each other repeatedly during a jam in the 2nd half. It was like watching a bee trapped inside the house that’s trying to get out but doesn’t realize it keeps flying into a window….bzzzzzzzzz……DOINK……bzzzzzzzzz……DOINK……bzzzzzzzz….DOINK!

The win was a great experience and it took a little while for it to actually sink in. When I was asked to step in as coach last season, my goal was to help these skaters get a win. Ideally it would have happened last season, but the bright side was that we got better after each loss and learned something different that we took into the next bout. We became more and more hungry for that win after each loss. Last season a lot of the skaters were brand new and didn’t know much about this game and the way it’s played and they were being led by a guy who didn’t know the first thing about derby, much less how to strategize for it. After a year of losing and lot of hard work during the off season we have all finally reached our goal of grabbing a win. Everyone played a role in this achievement, from the captains and coaches to the rookies and team managers. The Bombshells rained down on the Coliseum last Saturday night and the fans responded with flattering praise. I love to see them all stand up and cheer for my skaters because they work so hard and they deserve that type of recognition. Part of me believes they were as anxious to see us win as we were. I’m grateful the fans stuck with us from our losing flat track days and it paid off for them as we were able to quench their thirst for a Bombshells’ win at the well of the banked track. We’ve achieved that goal, and now its time to move on to the next one. Obviously we want to keep winning, but the next concrete goal on my mind is to get into the playoffs and make a run for the trophy.

We finally ended the drought and we did it in convincing fashion. The crowd was speckled with red and their thunderous cheers gave me a very cold rush. We’re still in the Arizona desert, but things aren’t so hot anymore. The Bombshells brought a red storm into the Coliseum. Better bring your rain coats next month; ’cause the way the skies look now, this storm ain’t lettin’ up any time soon.

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