All you had to do was hear the first few bars of the song and instantly a circle of people would appear on the dance floor and before the lyrics even started there was some one in the center of it poppin’, lockin’, or spinnin’.

Its a lonely and treacherous place in the middle of those break dancing circles.  If you can brave stepping into that circle for a few moments to show off your moves by the end of it you’re either getting waved off by the crowd or cheered and begged for more.

It reminds me of our league’s Jammers.  The loneliest place on the track is behind that Jammer line.  And once the whistle blows twice, it doesn’t get any friendlier.  That’s when its time to dance and show your stuff as you try to make your way through a crowd of people, most of which are trying to destroy you, or at the very least, cramp your fresh style.

I started calling Jam On It! my new favorite roller derby song.  Aside from the title and the parallels I made up in my head between Jammers and break dancers, it actually has nothing to do with roller derby.

In my opinion, the Jammer position is the most difficult position on the track.  You must have speed, agility, control, power, endurance, and be sturdy on your skates.  You have to be slightly masochistic to be a Jammer because once you’ve fled the punishment of the pack, you’ll find yourself chasing eagerly to get back to it.

Coach is coming back ‘atcha again with another dose of season stats!  This time we take a look at AZDD’s speed demons and point scorers: the Jammers.  I’m gonna show you the Top 10 Jammers in several statistical categories.  But first, a few housekeeping notes to help you understand how I put these lists together.

In order to find the Top 10 Jammers in different areas, I condensed the pool of those eligible to be in the category.  In order to make it onto the list you must have Jammed at least 25 times this season.  In my mind, that number is sufficient to consider you a true and full-time Jammer because 25 jams in a season puts you at over 5 jams a bout.  To me, that’s a full-time Jammer.

This maintains the integrity of the averages by not considering blockers who may have gone out to Jam once or twice this season and scored 4 or 5 points for a deceiving average of over 4+ ppj.  It also separates the full-time Jammers from the part-time Jammers (those that are Jammers, but don’t Jam as frequently).

Further, the only numbers that will be considered are points scored by Jammers who are Jamming with there own team.  AZDD’s substitution program gave skaters who were in their bye-month the opportunity to skate with and fill in the short rosters of the other bouting teams.  This includes Jammers who Jammed for their adoptive team.  The stats they put up in those games won’t be considered here for two reasons.

First, it gave select Jammers an extra bout over all the others.  Teams play 4 games in the regular season so it doesn’t seem right to me that some should have an extra bout.  The second reason sorta plays off of the first.  Having an extra bout under your belt could be a good or bad thing depending on the outcome of the bout.  You could have either padded your stats nicely because you got to play an extra game, which would create an imbalance for all the other Jammers in the league; or, your stats could have taken a dive that would hurt your other season stats because you’re playing on a team with a scheme that you’re not used to and may not optimize your skills, which would make it unfair for that Jammer.

There’s an infinite amount of ways you can do these stats, but this is how we’re gonna do ‘em here.  So now that we’ve got that out of the way, lets boogie.  Here’s your list of full-time Jammers.

Jammers

1. Ellie Mayhem (Runaway Brides) – 54 Jams
2. Celeste (Bombshells) – 48 Jams
3. Cannibelle Corpse (Coffin Draggers) – 43 Jams
4. Goody Goody Blooddrop (Schoolyard Scrappers) – 42 Jams
5. Lap Dancer (Brutal Beauties) – 41 Jams
6. Lex Mosh (Runaway Brides) – 34 Jams
7. Jenna Talls (Schoolyard Scrappers) – 33 Jams
8. Mia Pow Wow (Coffin Draggers) – 32 Jams
8. HollyHood (Bombshells) – 32 Jams
10. Lady Lawless (Bombshells) – 31 Jams
10. Phenomenon (Runaway Brides) – 31 Jams
12. Craven Cadavers (Coffin Draggers) – 30 Jams
12. Nurse Ratchet (Schoolyard Scrappers) – 30 Jams
14. Pint Sized Punch (Brutal Beauties) – 26 Jams

By my standards the league has 14 full-time Jammers.  That works out about right because as you’ll notice, with the exception of the Brutal Beauties, each team has at least 3 full-time Jammers.  That seems to be the norm with part-time Jammers filling-in in between.  These are the Jammers that can make it into the following lists.

Lets get down to the nitty-gritty.

Top 10 Scoring Jammers

1. Ellie Mayhem – 162 pts
2. Goody Goody Blooddrop – 134 pts
3. Cannibelle Corpse – 122 pts
4. LAP Dancer – 115 pts
5. Celeste – 106 pts
6. Lady Lawless – 104 pts
7. Jenna Talls – 97 pts
8. HollyHood – 95 pts
9. Mia Pow Wow – 86 pts
10. Craven Cadavers – 72 pts

This list shouldn’t come as a surprise.  Six or our top 10 Jammers all scored over 100 points this season with a few that are hardly far behind that mark.  I think that shows that our league has a nice handful of Jammers who do what they’re supposed to do:  SCORE.  Totals like these reflect frequency of Jamming.  The more you Jam, the more points you’re gonna score.  If you’ll notice, our top 5 scoring Jammers are also the same 5 Jammers at the top of the list of full-time Jammers above.

Top 10 Average Points Per Bout (ppb.)

1. Ellie Mayhem – 40.5 ppb.
2. LAP Dancer – 38.33 ppb.
3. Goody Goody Blooddrop – 33.5 ppb.
4. Cannibelle Corpse – 30.5 ppb.
5. Celeste – 26.5 ppb.
6. Lady Lawless - 26 ppb.
7. Jenna Talls – 24.25 ppb.
8. Craven Cadavers – 24 ppb.
9. HollyHood – 23.75 ppb.
10. Mia Pow Wow – 21.5 ppb.

I like looking at Points Per Bout because when I’m preparing for the next opponent it allows me to get a general idea of how many points I can expect a Jammer to score in the bout.  The more you know about your opponent, the better.

Top 10 Average Points Per Jam (ppj.)

1. Lady Lawless – 3.35 ppj.
2. Goody Goody Blooddrop – 3.19 ppj.
3. Ellie Mayhem – 3.00 ppj.
4. HollyHood – 2.96 ppj.
5. Jenna Talls – 2.93 ppj.
6. Cannibelle Corpse – 2.83 ppj.
7. LAP Dancer – 2.80 ppj.
8. Mia Pow Wow – 2.68 ppj.
9. Craven Cadavers – 2.40 ppj.
10. Celeste – 2.20 ppj.

THIS is my favorite Jammer stat.  As mentioned, totals give you an idea of how frequently a Jammer Jams; averages give you an idea of how efficiently a Jammer Jams.  I’ve created a hierarchy within these averages.  Good Jammers will average 2.5 – 2.79 ppj.; solid Jammers will average 2.8 – 2.99.; elite Jammers will average 3 ppj. or more.  As you can see, there are few that lie within the elite category, but I believe those 3 Jammers are at the top of the list because they’re the most self sufficient Jammers in the league.  Meaning, they don’t need a lot of help from their blockers to score points.  They’re good at creating their own opportunities.  When they do get that help, they’re deadlier.  Lady Lawless creates points with her brutally physical, smart and intimidating style.  Goody Goody Blooddrop creates points with her speed, agility, and her small frame allows her to slip through smaller gaps in the pack.  Ellie Mayhem is a combination of the two.  She’s physical, intimidating, fast, and difficult to take off her skates.

Top 10 Lead Jam Percentage

1. Lady Lawless – 77 pct. (24 total Lead Jams)
2. Goody Goody Blooddrop – 73 pct. (31 total Lead Jams)
3. LAP Dancer – 68 pct. (28 total Lead Jams)
4. Jenna Talls – 66 pct. (22 total Lead Jams)
5. Craven Cadavers – 56 pct. (17 total Lead Jams)
5. Nurse Ratchet – 56 pct. (17 total Lead Jams)
7. Ellie Mayhem – 55 pct. (30 total Lead Jams)
7. Cannibelle Corpse – 55 pct. (24 total Lead Jams)
9. Phenomenon – 51 pct. (16 total Lead Jams)
10. Celeste – 50 pct. (24 total Lead Jams)
10. HollyHood – 50 pct. (16 total Lead Jams)

I mentioned this in my last entry, but getting the Lead Jam gives you ABSOLUTE POWAAAAH!!!!   Aside from being the one most likely to score points first, every single skater on the track is at your mercy because with Lead Jam you can control how long or short the Jam is going to be.  More so, when you get Lead Jam you have greater control over how many points the Jammer behind you has the potential to score.

Once you’ve acquired the Lead Jam, its best to treat it like the Hope Diamond; don’t let anybody steal  it.  The next two lists aren’t really crucial stats, but I thought it fun to see which of our Jammers are the biggest thieves and victims of theft on the track this season.  The first list is more complimentary than the second.  Although the second list is still a list of the Top Jammers for the category, its a bit of dubious honor.  The number in parentheses represents the number of Lead Jams that Jammer was able to recover (steal back) after having it ganked from them.

Top Jammers – Stolen Lead Jams

1. HollyHood – 5 Stolen Lead Jams
2. Ellie Mayhem – 3 Stolen Lead Jams
2. Phenomenon – 3 Stolen Lead Jams
4. Craven Cadavers – 2 Stolen Lead Jams
4. LAP Dancer – 2 Stolen Lead Jams
4. Pint Sized Punch – 2 Stolen Lead Jams
4. Nurse Ratchet – 2 Stolen Lead Jams

Top Jammers – Lost Lead Jams

1. LAP Dancer – 6 Lost Lead Jams (1 Recovered)
2. Phenomenon – 4 Lost Lead Jams
3. HollyHood – 3 Lost Lead Jams (2 Recovered)
3. Craven Cadavers – 3 Lost Lead Jams (1 Recovered)
3. Lex Mosh – 3 Lost Lead Jams (1 Recovered)
3. Celeste – 3 Lost Lead Jams
3. Pint Sized Punch – 3 Lost Lead Jams
8. Nurse Ratchet – 2 Lost Lead Jams

There’s any number of reasons a Jammer will call off a jam.  The most fundamental use is when both Jammers are in scoring position but the Lead Jammer has a little bit of track between her and the other, she makes it through the pack collecting her points, and calls it off before the other Jammer has an opportunity to score for an X to zero jam.  If two Jammers leave the pack at roughly the same time and are skate to skate, the Lead Jammer may call it off to end the jam and reset for the next jam to avoid the risk of the other team scoring points as they both re-enter the pack, or worse, losing Lead Jam and the POWAAAAAH!!!  Its demoralizing to lose Lead Jam and have it called off on you.  If you’ve ever met a girl in your life, you know they despise losing control.  That rings true 10-fold for a derby girl.

Top 10 Called Off Lead Jam Percentage

1. Phenomenon – 87 pct. (14 total Called Off)
2. Lady Lawless – 77 pct. (19 total Called Off)
3. Lex Mosh – 69 pct. (9 total Called Off)
4. Goody Goody Blooddrop – 67 pct. (21 total Called Off)
5. Celeste – 62 pct. (15 total Called Off)
5. Cannibelle Corpse – 62 pct. (15 total Called Off)
7. HollyHood – 50 pct. (12 total Called Off)
7. Ellie Mayhem – 50 pct. (15 total Called Off)
7. LAP Dancer – 50 pct. (14 total Called Off)
10. Mia Pow Wow – 46 pct. (6 total Called Off)

Phenomenon wasn’t high on the list for Lead Jam percentages and Lex Mosh won’t be found on it but these two skaters show that once they get the Lead Jam, they’re consistent at calling it off.  A 60 pct. or better call off percentage shows you maintain very good control of your Lead Jam.

I wish I knew what its like to be a Jammer and be the only one standing behind that line for a Power Jam.  Do you worry that since there’s no opposing Jammer the opposing teams blockers turn into heat seeking missiles making you their primary target?  Or do you revel in the fact that you have the complete support of your blockers and that their only job is to protect you while you make you’re way through the pack?

Being consistently successful in Power Jams requires your Jammer to complete as many laps as possible while the pack completes as few laps as possible.  That concept equals more scoring opportunities.  Here’s the list of your Top 10 Power Jammers.

Top 10 Average Points Per Power Jam (ppPJ.)

1. HollyHood – 11 ppPJ.
2. Lady Lawless – 9.6 ppPJ.
3. Ellie Mayhem – 8.27 ppPJ.
4. Celeste – 6 ppPJ.
5. Craven Cadavers – 5.33 ppPJ.
6. Jenna Talls – 5 ppPJ.
7. Nurse Ratchet – 4.3 ppPJ.
8. Phenomenon – 2 ppPJ.
8. Lex Mosh – 2 ppPJ.
10. Mia Pow Wow – 1 ppPJ.

Everyone loves a Power Jam.  Especially high scoring Power Jams.  Ten points or more is a successful Power Jam.  Ten points or less, you missed an opportunity to put some major uncontested points on the board.  Believe me; when you’re in the infield, the difference between adding 5 points to your score and adding 10 points to your score are worlds apart, especially late in the bout.  With 10 points or more, you just put a significant gap (or closed one) between you and your opponent’s score.

I think Power Jams are more a showcase of Blockers ability and effectiveness than they are about the Jammers ability to get around the track as many times as possible.

You have two sets of blockers who are no longer dividing their attention among two Jammers.  One set is programed to attack, destroy and increase the pace of the pack; the other set is programed to protect and reduce the pace of the pack.  Two competing opposite forces.

The teams who really capitalize in controlling the pack will have their Jammers at the top of this list (what! what!).   Jammers who are averaging around 5 points or less means their pack isn’t getting them out of the pack soon enough and/or they aren’t slowing the pace of the pack enough to allow their Jammer to catch it faster and have scoring opportunities.  A 5 point average is indicative of only averaging 1 complete pass in scoring position.  Blockers NEED to give their Jammers more scoring opportunities in Power Jams.  Otherwise its no different than a regular jam.

And there you have it B-Boys and B-Girls.  These are the best *wiki*wiki* J-J-J-J-J-Jammers *wiki*wiki*wiki* AZDD has to offer for all of your high-speed scoring pleasure.

Make sure to come check these ladies out this Saturday, August 21, 2010 at the Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum at the Arizona State Fairgrounds.  7pm!  Doors open at 5pm.  Then after the triple-header come chat or snap a photo with your favorite Jammer (or any Dame for that matter) at the Bout After Party right inside the Coliseum.  See you then, derby fans!

A small note to all my AZDD Blockers out there in the league that read this blog:

I attempted to try and keep Blocker stats at one point this season working off of the videos I have from each bout.  The difficulty I ran into was that I take video from the highest row of the Coliseum and the lighting on the track isn’t that great from that distance and its difficult to tell who the Blockers are on the track.  They’re all shadows.   So I put it off.

I’m able to tell who my Bombshell Blockers are because I recognize their strides and the way they skate.  I assume that would probably be the same case for the other team Captains and trainers.

I’ve always wanted to keep stats on Blockers but I just couldn’t get over that hurdle and I’d rather do stats accurately or not at all.  After these last two blogs I really want to know, and I want everyone else to know too, who the best and most effective Blockers are in this league statistically.  Jammer may be the most difficult position, but Blocker is the most important.  And I want to give credit to the skaters who spend all their time in the the trenches of the pack.

So here’s the help I need:  If any of the leaders from each team are willing to share their old line-ups with me or sit down for an afternoon or evening to watch bout tapes and help me identify who their Blockers are on the track, that’s all I’d need.  I already have the necessary numbers, I just need to know who the Blockers are for each Jam.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

PLAYOFFS!!!! TOMORROW!!!! BE THERE!!!!

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Its the truth.

And what better way to enter the final two bouts of the season than to have it be a mystery who’s gonna end up where in the seedings.  It literally went down to the last jam of the bout between the Schoolyard Scrappers and the Coffin Draggers.  I think bouts 9 and10 this last weekend were awesome exclamation points on the Arizona Derby Dames Inaugural Banked Track Regular Season.

It was quite worrisome during warm ups watching my skaters slip and slide on the track.  It ended up being an issue for both bouts but the Dames dealt with it.  It slowed the game down a bit, but truth is no one was at an advantage or disadvantage because we were all playing under the same slippery-track conditions.

Its funny to me because throughout the season AZDD’s track can sometimes be as turbulent in its mood as some of the derby girls who skate on it.  Some days its grippy, some days its perfect, other days its slick.  Some days you love it and want to take care of it with a new coat of paint.  Other days you curse its existence, verbally abusing it in ways you would never want your mom to hear about.  When you’re away from it, you miss it.  When you’re there in its presence and can’t skate on it, like our injured skaters, you lust for it.  That track is no less part of this derby family than everyone else.  In fact, ”she’s” the reason all of us in the AZDD family have become so close.  Though we all have separate, busy lives away from derby, it gathers us all together like the dinner table during Thanksgiving.

The playoff table is set now.  Party of 5.

Going into the bouts, all the teams knew they would have a chance to sit at the table, but they didn’t know who their dinner partners would be, and more importantly, who would have the first chance at the main course:  the Championship Bout in September.  After two exciting back-and-forth bouts between the Runaway Brides v. Bombshells and the Schoolyard Scrappers v. Coffin Draggers the seating arrangement for the party in August is clear.  The Bombshells were victorious over the Brides and the Scrappers squeeked out a win over the Coffin Draggers.  Here are final standings:

1. Schoolyard Scrappers: 4-0

2. Bombshells:  3-1

3. Coffin Draggers:  2-2

4. Runaway Brides:  1-3

5. Brutal Beauties: 0-4

After Saturday night the Schoolyard Scrappers sent their RSVP for the Championship Bout by finishing #1 in the overall standings.  The 4 remaining teams will have to wait till after the August mini-tournament to see if they get an invite.  In the first round of the tournament the Bombshells face the Runaway Brides for their second meeting in a row and the Coffin Draggers match up with the Brutal Beauties.  The winners of these two mini-bouts will go on to face each other in the tournament finals to see who will get the chance to fight for the big piece of chicken in September.

Now that we know what the future looks like, lets recap the finger-lickin’ good night of derby from Saturday.

The Bombshells still have a fat lip from the way the Runaway Brides punched us in the mouth in the 1st quarter of the bout.  There was never a doubt in my mind that we could lose that game, and after the first quarter, I was both excited and a little nervous that we were in for more of a fight than we anticipated.  The Brides held us to 11 points in the 1st quarter.  That’s the least amount of points that we scored in a quarter this season.  The Brides made easy work of us controlling the rail side of the track and shutting us out in the first three jams.  They controlled the quarter by their ability to acquire the lead jam for the majority of the first 12 minutes.

In the days before the bout I had my skaters giving me a lot of crap because of the blog I wrote about Ellie Mayhem.  I got comments like, “Why would you want to fire her up before we play?  Could you have waited till after we bouted against her?”  At the time the answer was, “Yes, I do want to fire her up.”  Not only were the Brides coming off a great game showing awesome improvements, but I wanted to add a little accelerant to fire to make the match-up extra crispy.  I love close games because they’re exciting.  Then after having watched Ellie jump the coping twice, the Brides’ Blockers grease up the rail so their Jammers can slip by our pack, and the 1st quarter score of 23-11, I thought to myself, “Me and my big f*%#ing mouth.”

If I could describe the 1st half in one word it was “frustration.”  We couldn’t get our game plan going because the Brides were doing too good a job imposing theirs on us.  We were reacting rather than be proactive and it showed in the score.  We were fortunate that Prima Donna stepped up and made some needed plays during that half because Holly Hood and Celeste were no where to be found.  Otherwise, the load would have rested on the always consistent Lady Lawless and no one skater can do it by themselves.  Holly Hood didn’t see the lead jam in the 1st and didn’t wear the star at all in the 2nd quarter because she was keeping the penalty box warm.  If not for the 13 point Power Jam Lady Lawless had to finish the half, the Bombshells wouldn’t have been so fortunate to face a 1 point deficit going into the break.

We didn’t know what hit us.  The 1st half was just a flash of white and lace.  Our strategy to keep Ellie Mayhem off the track blew up in our face.  When she lined-up on the Jammer stripe our plan was to acquire the lead jam and then call it off immediately to get her off the track because we’d rather deal with the next Jammer.  Not only did we not acquire the lead jam as often as we wanted against her, but when we did and we called off the jam, Ellie would skate right back to the Jammer stripe for the next jam.  Strategy spoiled!  We did some major re-grouping at half time.  Since the score was practically 0 – 0, we had the opportunity to shake it off and start a new game in the 2nd half.

The Bombshells saw their first lead of the game in the first few jams of the second half.  However, it was short-lived.  The score went back and forth for much of the 3rd quarter.  That’s when Holly Hood decided to take her seat at the Jammer table and asked Lawless and Prima to pass the points.  She must have been starving because she helped herself to quite the serving.  At one point in the 3rd, Ellie put up a 9 point Power Jam and their lead was 10, 57-47.  We had our own Power Jam in the last jam of the 3rd where Holly Hood put up 15 points.  Now, I know its no big deal now because we got to see the Brides execute several of them in the their previous bout, but it gave us a 5 point lead, 57-62 going into the final 12 minutes of the game.  Shortly into the 4th, Holly Hood went for seconds and gave us a 14 point Power Jam.  She scored 29 of her 35 points in 2 Power Jams.

I was glowing with pride for a short moment because it always makes me happy to see my skaters achieve their goals.  After our first two bouts, the Bombshells were determined to become a better 2nd half team.  They did so against the Draggers and they were doing it against the Brides.  We were sitting on a healthy 30 point lead.  That’s when the slick track the ladies were playing on began to really rear its ugly head.

Penalties.

Celeste had to excuse herself from the table halfway through the 4th because she picked up her 5th major penalty.  Worst of all, she did it while she was Jamming.  Guess who lined up for the next Power Jam?………..Yup!  The conclusion of that Power Jam was hard to swallow.  Ellie scored 10 points and cut our 30 points lead in a 1/3 with more than enough time to go and we had to watch Holly Hood clear her plate and leave after picking up her 5th major penalty as well.

We’re in the clutch moments of the bout and we just lost two skaters, Jammers, in consecutive jams.  The bout was no where near over.  But the Bombshells were able to hold on and post a very entertaining 107-91 victory.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see much of the Scrappers v. Dragger bout.  That’s for 2 reasons.

The first half I didn’t get to see much of because the Bombshells were back at the drawing board evaluating the 1st half and getting ready for the 2nd.  We were out their long enough to barely catch some of the 1st quarter.

As the Bombshells are doing their victory lap and slapping hands with all the fans along the rim of the track, one grabs mine and pulls me back.  Its Lora Stabs!  It was kinda funny the way it happened.  One moment I’m celebrating my team’s victory, the next I’m being grabbed and pulled on by a zombie.  For a second there I thought I was about to be the next item on the menu, but she asked me to help call her team’s line-up for the 2nd half.  That’s the other reason I didn’t get to see much of that bout.  I took on the responsibility so I treated it like I was on my own team’s bench.  When you’re getting the next line-up ready to go in, you can’t watch much of the jam that’s going on at the same time.

I know that the way the 2nd half progressed it produced another down-to-the-last-jam bout.  The Draggers chipped away at a 20 point Scrapper lead throughout the 2nd half and took the lead going into the final jam.  The part that stung was I had to watch the Draggers do the same thing to themselves that they did in the last bout against Bombshells.  They killed themselves with major penalties going into the final jam with the lead.  They only had 2 blockers out there in the final jam and all they needed to do was maintain the lead.  Rough way to finish but being down there on their bench the Draggers kept their heads up and congratulated one another on a great game played.  It was my pleasure to be down there in the infield helping them out with their line-ups.

This had to be my favorite bout night of the season.  Partly because of the near 5,000 fans that showed up and kept the house jumpin’.  Partly because of the great bouts that were put on by all 4 teams.  But mostly because of the way the night ended.  All was said and done and EVERYONE was in the best of moods, whether having just won or lost.  The vibe we were feeling throughout the night brought us all closer together, much the same way the dinner table brings a busy family together at the end of the day.

A couple final points:

1.  I gotta give it up to AZDD’s 6th team, The Regulators.  Jugger Naughty and the rest of the zebras did a stellar job that night.  The slippery tack played a part in their job as well.  From a coach’s standpoint, I had no major complaints, which is surprising because I know how to knit-pick.  Like the skaters, The Regulators have been learning and getting better all season long.  Their assignment has been just a little more challenging because they’ve had to learn while on the job.  They don’t have as many opportunities to practice together like the skaters do.  And in their defense, they had to work with often ambiguous rules that they didn’t write and had no direction on how to interpret.  I have to constantly keep reminding myself of that when I’m screaming at them both during the bout and in my living room the next day when I’m watching bout tape.  Sure, its easy to point out all the mistake that are made when you’re watching it the next day, but hey, I’m a coach.  Any calls made against my team are presumptively wrong. *wink*wink*

I have to give particular props to the Jammer Refs, Spike and Joe Nads.  They were practically invisible the entire night, which in my mind means they were doing their jobs.  Spike consistently performs well each bout and I found myself worried significantly less about the accuracy of the score with Joe Nads in there backing him up.  He stepped in seamlessly and did an awesome job for his first time in the infield.

2.  A million thanks to the Brutal Bombshells that helped us get passed the Runaway Brides.  The LAP Dancer, Nasty Nelly, and Midnight Choker were on loan to us for the night from the Brutal Beauties because of our injury plagued roster.  They had great attitudes, they came to practice, and they settled into our schemes very easily.

I like that the league made the decision to loan out the non-bouting team’s players to even out rosters.  Its a gesture or good fellowship and sportsmanship.  I don’t know if everyone else share’s this experience, but because of this new procedure I’ve gotten to know and work with skaters that I didn’t know very well before.  Last month we had Hate’cha Face on loan from the Scrappers helping us out against the Draggers and this month we had the three ladies mentioned above.  Before we had the chance to have them skate with us, I hardly knew who they were.  Now I feel like I have 4 more friends.

So as AZDD brings their first Banked Track Regular Season to a close, I think the fans can expect the action to just keep getting better and better.  The Dames have proven that with each bout night that passes.

We come together each month and settle around the family dining table that we call the banked track.  Each time the meal was more appetizing and delectable than the last.  But in the grand scheme of a season, this regular season has only been the appetizer.  A little something to make your mouth water for what’s to come next month and ultimately in September.  Best part about competition is that only one team is going to leave the dinner table happy, because only one team is going to get the dessert they’ve been waiting for.

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The way the bout played out was what seemed like a bad case of déjà vu.  We hung with the more experienced Draggers for much of the first quarter.  The bout was still tied at 0 after the first two jams and that let me know that we were in for a very defensive game.  The Draggers kept big blockers Wendy O. Killems and Ginger Mortis up in the front of the pack as often as they could be which made it difficult for our smaller Jammers to get around.  They did a great job shutting us out in 4 of the first 5 jams.  We found ourselves trailing at one point 9-4 and leading in another when the score was 9-12.  I felt good about this quarter just the same way I did against the first quarter against the Scrappers.  We were still hanging with the Draggers after the first with a tie score of 14-14.  When I looked up at the score board right before the 2nd quarter started it gave me the indication that this might be a close one to the finish.

The 2nd quarter starts and we’ve got a Jammer in the box.  Shit!  I look towards the Jammer line and I see Mia Pow Wow. Holy Shit!  This would be out first test.  In the previous bout Mia skated circles around the Brutal Beauties and had multiple 10 point Power Jams.  I had a feeling this jam would tell me early whether this bout was going to get away from us or not.  Fortunately, our defense came through, big time. We held Mia Pow Wow scoreless during that Power Jam, she never even broke the pack.  By the time half time had rolled around Mia jammed 6 times and only scored 1 point.  We did well in the second quarter holding the Draggers scoreless in 7 of the first 8 jams.  We were building a lead and then I had to watch Craven Cadavers skate circles around the track and rack up a 9 to 0 jam.  It was reminiscent of the 9 point jam Jenna Talls put up in the second quarter of our bout with the Scrappers that kept them within reach.  And yet again, there I was on the bench scratching my head (the same way I did with Jenna) thinking, “Wow, where did Craven come from.  Wasn’t expecting that!”  That jam was just a foreshadowing of what was to come from her the rest of the bout.  She was just getting warmed up.  That jam put her team in the lead 23-18.  We played some strong derby in the 2nd quarter but we kind of let up when the Draggers outscored us in the last 4 jams 15-6.  Cannibelle Corpse struggled early wearing the star scoring 0 points in her first 5 attempts at the Jammer spot.  She bounced back in her last two tries before the half scoring 5 points in each jam that was a big part of that 15-6 run that ended the half.

I look up at the score at the half and I’m seeing what happens when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object: things go nowhere, its a stalemate.  Such was the case at the end of the 1st quarter when the score was tied 14-14 and also at the end of the 2nd quarter when the score was tied 38-38.  I thought about the half and I wondered how the Draggers were able to keep up with us when we were succeeding in shutting down their top 2 jammers in Mia Pow Wow and Cannibelle Corpse.  I realized its because their other jammers stepped up and scored some needed points.  We never expected to see Lora Stabs jam as much as we did, but it only seemed natural for her to step in after the departure of Dr. Mary Lou Botomy.  She logged two separate 5-0 jams in the first half.  Scarlett Knock-Out had a very efficient first half as a Jammer.  She skated twice with the star on her helmet and she owned the track both times.  She acquired the lead jam, called off the jam, and racked up 4 to 0 jams on both tries.  Killer job by the rookie! Craven puts up a 9-0 jam, Stabs puts up two 5-0 jams, and K.O. puts up two 4-0 jams.  Incredible.  These 3 Jammers accounted for 27 of the Draggers first half points, while their strongest Jammers in Cannibelle and Mia account for 11.  I was stuck in another swirl of déjà vu.  Just like in the Scrappers bout we succeeded in limiting their best Jammers, but we couldn’t contain the rest of their Jamming crew who scored the points the Draggers needed.

I can’t take any credit or blame for the half Lady Lawless had.  Even I don’t know what had gotten into her.  She was unstoppable and Jamming out of her mind.  She scored almost 60% of the Bombshells first half points, getting credit for 22 out of the 38.  She acquired the lead jam on all 6 of her tries and called them all off with excellent demonstrations of how a Jammer can play defense and still score points at the same time.  Her first 6 jam counts look like this: 4 pts, 4 pts, 4 pts, 5 pts, 1 pt, 4 pts.  She put up all those points while the opposing Jammers only put up 1 against her.  We had some struggles in our Jamming crew as well in the first half.  The Draggers smothered our rookie Jammer Dottie Danger shutting her out for the game.  Dottie scored 0 points in her 4 tries Jamming and couldn’t continue in the 2nd half because of a nagging knee injury that got the best of her at half time.  Our top scoring Jammer, Celeste, was also facing some heavy resistance as she only averaged 1.6 ppj in the first half.  She’s one of the league’s top scoring Jammers and the Draggers were effective in containing her, which is evident in that average.  I can only assume they prepared specifically to defend her the way we prepared to defend their best Jammers.

The 3rd quarter got underway and déjà vu was slapping me in face again.  And this time it really hurt.  Mia Pow Wow came out and scored a 10 point jam and I thought, “Ok, the real Mia Pow Wow is here now, where did that other one go?”  Then Craven put up 4 point jam and Cannibelle followed with a 3 point jam.  Suddenly we’re down by 17 points, 17 unanswered points.  The score was now 55-38 and we had yet to score in the half.  Just like in the last bout I’m thinking, “Where the hell did my Bombshells from the first half go?”  I thought for a moment the bout was going to get away from us at that point.  We took a time out to try and stop the bleeding from the gushing wound those zombies just opened up on the Bombshells in the first few jams.  That timeout turned out to be the turning point in the game for the Bombshells.  I reminded the skaters of what happened in the second half of the last bout and of what they told me their goal was for this game: they wanted to be a stronger second half team.  We found our center during the break and switched our strategy to one of our familiar sets we’d been running since day one and from that point on, the Bombshells chipped away at the lead one jam at a time.  The Draggers out scored us in that quarter 31-23 and it appeared the unstoppable force was beginning to show its superiority.  We were fortunate Lady Lawless put up a crucial 9 to 0 jam at the end of the quarter which made the 69-61 score easier to look at.  That jam going into the 4th quarter really kept the bout within reach for us.

We started the 4th quarter with our own Power Jam.  Celeste was behind the Jammer line and she added 3 points to our score.  Not what we would have wanted or have come to expect from Celeste, but at that point, any little bit helped.  The score was now 69-64 and the crowd was really starting to get into it.  It became deafening once the 4th quarter started.  The Draggers responded with a two jam 10 point scoring streak that bumped their lead back up to 15, 79-64.  I looked up at the score board and their was déjà vu again, mocking me.  It was almost at the same point in the last bout that I looked up and the Scrappers had a healthy lead against us with half a quarter left.  But that time I didn’t change anything.  I kept us in the same scheme we had been running all game and it doomed us.  We’re a defensive team.  We’re not a high scoring team.  Our defense creates our offense and that’s what I had hoped would happen to will us passed the Scrappers in the 4th quarter.  It didn’t work.  We needed to start scoring at that point and I didn’t put us in a position to do that.  This time around against the Draggers I learned from the mistake I made against the Scrappers, flipped déjà vu the bird, got my skaters in a circle around me, put pen to paper and drew up a play that I hoped would score us some points.  It did.  HollyHood went in there in our second Power Jam of the quarter and scored us 10 points.  Suddenly the bout was back within reach at 81-77 and the crowd was even louder than they were when the quarter started.  You began to hear competing chants of “Let’s go Draggers!” with “Let’s go Bombshells!”  Then Celeste lined up and we ran the same play.  It scored us 3 points and the score was now 82-80.

When Lady Lawless and Cannibelle Corpse lined up for the second to last jam, none of us realized we were about to watch the most important jam of the night.  Lawless was able to break the pack first acquiring the lead jam with about half a track between her and Cannibelle Corpse who was chasing right behind her.  Lawless was able to get through the pack a second time and scored all 4 points but didn’t call off the jam in time to keep Cannibelle from scoring 3 of her own.  There was a brief moment where Lawless could have called the jam off to keep Cannibelle from scoring any points.  I went absolutely nuts on the bench because I always stress to my Jammers to maintain awareness of the other Jammer at all times.  Lawless lost Cannibelle for a moment and in those few seconds before Lawless called it off Cannibelle was able to score points to keep her team in the lead.  When that jam was over the score was 85-84.  Had Lawless waited 4 more seconds to call off the jam, the game would have been over and the Draggers would have been declared the winners.  There were 34 seconds left in the game.  By AZDD rules, if there are 29 seconds or less left on the game clock, another jam will not be played and the game is declared over.  If there are 30 second or more left, the clock resets to a full minute and 1 last jam is played.  The stage was set for one of the best finishes of the AZDD season.  I didn’t realize until the last few moments before the whistle blew for the last jam that we would have a Power Jam.  I looked over to see Cannibelle sitting in the box and that’s when I knew this was our game to steal.  I looked over to HollyHood and screamed, “This is your time!  Win this game!”  I can’t even explain what happened.  Just watch:

I could not contain myself after we won the bout in the last moments.  HollyHood and her Power Jam blockers scored the points we needed to pull ahead with 12 second left, but to solidify the victory, she went after the last two Draggers in the front of the pack and collected those points too.  Final score was 85-89.  Bombshells win.  I can’t remember the last time I was THAT excited about any kind of sports victory.  I mean, it was real sweet to watch the Suns sweep the Spurs during the playoffs this season.  I jumped up and down to exhaustion when that happened.  But this was different.  And this was where the déjà vu I had been experiencing all game became a little different.  It was a bout with two strong teams, just like the last bout.  It was practically even going into the 4th quarter, just like the last bout.  And it came down to a great finish, just like the last bout.  Except this time around there was something different about this rush of déjà vu.  There was something new.  The difference was that the Bombshells were the thieves who stole this bout from the Draggers.  We were the one’s who came from behind to eek out a win.  Of all the things that felt familiar that night, it ended with a different, newer feeling.  A little something I call déjà new.

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I come from a very competitive family of shit-talkers. One of the most beneficial moments in my development as a punk-ass kid was when my Dad taught me how to play chess. And I don’t mean when my dad taught me that white moves first, or that you must protect your king, or that the knight moves in an “L” shape direction. I mean, when my dad REALLY taught me how to PLAY chess. The lessons he gave me about the strategy of this ancient game still reside in the way I live life today:

-play by the rules;
-use your mind to defeat your opponent;
-figure out what they’re doing before you plan your attack;
-always plan three moves ahead;
-never concede, force them to beat you;
-be gracious in victory and defeat.

When I reflect on the night, it reminded me of the many intense chess matches I would get into with my little brother Miguel when we were younger. There was a battle of the mind taking place on the board, but there was also an external skirmish of egos between Miguel and I. We would talk so much shit to each other before the game (“Hey bro, you wanna get whipped up on the chess board or are you scared?”), during the game (“Dude, I got you on the ropes. Your knights are already gonners, I dare you to move that bishop, and your queen, pfft, just hand her over now so we can get this over with, please.”), and after the game (“Hey, next time bring your A-Game bro, ’cause its just not fun for me to beat you like that”). It was fun and funny. We played this gentleman’s game with the mentality of a couple of street ballers from Rucker Park. And whether we won or lost (and boy did we hate to lose to one another) we always looked forward to the next match.

The bout on Saturday gave me a flashback to those moments. Everyone in the building that night saw the external battle that went on between the Bombshells and the Schoolyard Scrappers in the form of vicious shoulder and hip checks, but I venture to guess that very few were able to see the chess match that was going on underneath. Saturday’s game was a very intelligently played bout by both teams. Minor adjustments were made on the fly, major adjustments were made during half-time, strategies had to be altered based on the moves made by the opponent, and personnel had to be moved around accordingly. This bout played out like a chess match. Like pieces on a chess board, these ladies moved on the track like they only had one thing in mind: Checkmate. But it wasn’t gonna come easily. The best chess matches have mentally strong and highly skilled players who won’t allow you to win in a few moves. Some of the best matches take hours and you usually don’t know who’s gonna win until its over. Such was the case on the banked track last Saturday night.

In this man’s mind, the Queen of the track is always Lady Lawless. Regardless of my personal bias and forget the fact that she’s the team’s captain, when you think of Lawless in terms of skaters, she’s the most powerful piece on the board. She bears the abilities of all the other pieces in that she can play all positions and can move in any direction. She was used to defend the Scrappers’ assault with her annoying booty-blocking and crowd arousing hits. Or, she was the tip of the spear of the Bombshells’ offensive attack on the Scrappers to score points with her physical jamming style. When she was ready to score points she directed her teammates and sliced through the pack. When she was stifled by The Plaid Curtain, she fell back to help defend her pack.

Then you have the supporting cast of pieces. The Rooks, Bishops, and Knights.

The Rooks are our rookies, Dottie Danger, Elizabitch Taylor, HollyHood, and Sweet Revenge. These ladies are still new to our system but they can hold their own. Right now they see the game on a linear plane and are still learning how to be creative on the track with their skills. Mentally, they’re still in a spot where they see the game as moving in only a few directions: forward, and left and right. The game doesn’t move in their heads like it does with some of the senior skaters so they don’t see all the angles and turns of this game like our bishops and knights. That’s something that they’ll acquire from experience. That’s one of the advantages the Scrappers had over us: experience. They got nice a core of veteran skaters that skate so well with one another. Once these rooks get a few bouts under their belts they’ll skate with so much more confidence and their vision of the game will become 3-Dimensional. I haven’t completely crunched all the numbers but just from what I remember at the bout, the Bombshells performance of the night came from a rook, HollyHood. She even surprised me. However, I wasn’t surprised by the skill we all know she has. I was more surprised and impressed by the heart she skated with. I saw a side of her that I could have never caught a glimpse of during practice drills or scrimmage. She played with emotion and when you mix uncanny skill with heart, the last thing you want to hand a person like that is defeat, because it makes them stronger. She was ready to get back to the drawing board as soon as the bout was over. She did it all on Saturday night. She put a 10 point jam up on the board and laid more than a few Scrappers down on the track.

Our Bishops are Prima Donna and Samba Slugger. They’re quiet, calm and patient. They’re not as aggressive as the knights, but what makes these two skaters such an important part of our team is the manner in which they choose their moments to attack. They really level out the personality of this team with calculated moves that often frustrate me because I would rather they get in their and bust shit up! But it took me a while to realize they balance out our team effectively. It wouldn’t be a great thing to have a bunch of skaters who are like bulls in a china shop. We need skaters like these that can play a cerebral game. Watching them skate on Saturday night, I can tell when they’re planning their next move deliberately, they wait, and when the moment is right, they locate the angle to attack.

Our knights are our fiercest skaters. Veterans of the game who are battle tested and command respect on the track from their teammates and their opponents. Our knights are Sho’Nuff, Ruff Ryder, Hellcat Maggie, and Celeste. These ladies have been around the track more than a few times and their is very little they haven’t seen on the field of battle. These ladies understand the game and how to play it. Their skill and experience allows them to move in just about ever direction on that chess board of a banked track, be it physically or mentally. Sho’Nuff is really starting to own her position on the track. The timing of her hits is coming close to perfect and once she gains the ability to move laterally up and down the track, people are going to be afraid to skate on the low side of the track when she’s on it. She taunted the Scrappers’ Jammers to try and take that inside pipe, and on a few occasions she made them pay by sending them into the infield. She faced some tough blockers and always kept her head on despite how they overwhelmed us in the second half. Hellcat Maggie has taken her play to another level on this banked track. Her communication on the track is crucial and her line-ups consistently do well because of the way she directs her pack with authority. Her voice pierces the ears of both her teammates and her opponents. To us, its music to our ears. To them, its like that annoying beeeeeeeeep that’ll come on TV from the Emergency Broadcasting System from time to time.

It was a well fought game by all the skaters. Each piece played the role they were supposed to, and though we came up short to an excellent team, there is much that we took away from this. And just like Miguel and I, as soon as that bout was over, we were already excited and ready for the next one. Ready to fix all the mistakes we made to let that bout slip away from us. In fact, I don’t think its even fair for me to discount what the Scrappers did by phrasing it that way. We did let it slip away, but more than that, the Scrappers took it. They got on that track in the second half and to me their skating said, “We’re going to take this from you.” I admire that killer instinct and its something that I aspire for our team to have. It will come with experience. We learned a lot playing the Scrappers. We learned a lot about the game and we learned a lot about their skaters. The Matrix Reloaded is my favorite movie of all time and a quote from that movie came to mind when I reflect on the bout. Seraph, the protector of the Oracle (ok, I just officially entered geek-mode) said: “You don’t truly know someone until you fight them.” And I’ve never thought more about that quote than I did after this bout. I have much respect for the girls on that team. They exposed their hearts, their strengths, and their vulnerabilities. The Bombshells exposed a side of them that I don’t think ANYONE has seen this season. We challenged them and pushed them to their limits. I think everyone that night saw the Scrappers at their very best, and it was a little scary to watch how good that team was.

There’s only a single complaint I have after such an epic bout. Both teams played their hearts out and its seemed both teams would leave the track respecting one another like two MMA fighters who hug one another in respect after beating the shit out of each other. But Kat Von Double D’s had to leave a bad taste in our mouths for her team after such a delicious bout. She is such a great blocker on the track and she has a lot of experience on skates. In my eyes, she’s a knight on that board but her attitude reduces her down to a pawn. In the last few moments of the final jam of the bout and shortly there after, we all got to see an unfortunate display of horrible sportswomanship. She had just gotten handled and sent into the infield by one of our blockers, slow to get up the pack went on and she ended up about 40 feet behind it. That’s when she eyed Celeste coming around turn 2 and decided she was going to try and take her out well outside the engagement zone when her team was up by 20 points and the bout was practically over. That’s not only illegal in this sport, its dirty and its dangerous. Most of all, it was pointless. The rules state that you’re not allowed to engage a Jammer if you are 20 feet outside the pack. She took it a step further by doubling that distance and tried to take out our best Jammer when it didn’t even matter. Classy. And when that was over and the Scrappers took their much deserved victory lap, every single Scrapper slapped hands with a Bombshell to show respect for a good bout, except Kat. She skipped our entire line to wave at the crowd and flash her ass. Very classy. Even in victory you should be gracious to your opponents, to not be is worse than being a sore loser. But like Seraph said, “You don’t truly know someone until you fight them.” She showed her true colors that night and it was disappointing because I think she would have so much more respect from people as a skater and a person if she cleaned up her act. The reason this entire sequence disappoints me is because the move she pulled was negligent. Since the first demo bout at least one skater has gotten hurt at every bout. Dolly de Los Muertos, one of my favorite human beings, had to hang her skates up after the Demo bout because of a concussion. Angela Darkeness, a phenomenal jammer, is no longer on skates with the league because of shoulder injury she suffered in her first bout. Mia Pow Wow and Venus Vendetta also suffer from shoulder injuries. One of the Bombshells former skaters, Juana Band-Aid, had to hang her skates up for a while as well because she separated her shoulder during banked track training. Its almost guaranteed that at least 1 skater will get injured at every bout. Shoulder and knee injuries are becoming all to common in this sport and after the move that Kat pulled on Celeste, the Bombshells now have a jammer with an ailing shoulder. And for what? So that everyone could see her in all her attention-begging glory. Everyone is here to have a great time playing derby and sometime rules are broken on the track during the heat of the game and they’re usually unintentional, but her display was calculated and deliberate. The proof is in the video I possess. Its despicable to watch. No one is here to get hurt and with the judgment she exercised in that last few moments of a memorable bout she’s fortunate that things didn’t turn out worse. I’m happy there wasn’t a serious injury to Celeste to weigh on her conscience. I would feel like shit if I pulled something like that and hurt another skater when it didn’t even have to happen. Phenomenal skater and blocker, horrible representation of her team.

But you know who rocked that track on Saturday night, Cruella DeMille. If I had to pick a Queen piece on that team, she would be it. She owned her position more than anyone on her team. She’s a blocking specialist and her team uses her so well. And if you know me, effective blocking is more important and impressive than fast jamming. She frustrated the hell out of me because she’s so good at what she does. She was movin’ and layin’ Bombshells down on the track all night long. We had very few answers for her. I’m glad Mizz Nashty was on the track Saturday night. She showed a lot of heart getting out there with her ailing knee. Her team needed her leadership and I for one was hopeful that she would be on the track Jamming for the Scrappers. If we were going to beat them, we wanted to beat them with their full squad on the track, and her with the star on her helmet. And finally, we got to see a great game out of Vanessa Velocity. Her finger prints were all over this bout. We got to see her jam against Lady Lawless in the first half and it was an entertaining jam. Lawless got out the pack first but VV was right behind her with the help of only two blockers on the track. It looked like she had no skates on the way she ran after Lawless and caught up to her. She saved her team a lot of point because the Bombshells had 4 blockers to the their 2. Lawless was forced to call the jam off and skate off with 0 points. So frustrating for us, but mad props to her for not giving up and saving the Scrappers some serious points. After the first half the Scrappers reduced her Jamming frequency and dropped her to the back of the pack to be a power blocker against our Jammer. And it worked. She’s skilled and you would never expect the brutal hits she delivers to come from the frame she has. We had difficulty dealing with her as a blocker.

This was a very defensive chess match between these two teams. In the Scrappers first two bouts they were able to put well over a 130 points by themselves. There were only 150 points scored in this bout altogether. Chess isn’t always about the offensive attack. Most often its about how you defend your pieces. It was a neck and neck game through the first few jams of the 4th quarter. The Scrappers made a move, then the Bombshells made a move. It went back and forth, making for an exciting game. I had several people come up to the skaters and I and tell us that it was the best derby bout they had ever seen. That made me proud. Proud to be a part of it. Proud to be on the team that made a Scrappers bout interesting rather than a blow out. Proud to stand across the infield from fierce, challenging and worthy opponents. The fans are oh so important to the Bombshells so to put up on a good show in a losing effort was more than satisfying. In my mind, the skaters are #1, the fans are #2. I think both groups walked away from the bout on Saturday night with something they’ll never forget. In the end, the Scrappers poured it on in the 4th quarter and it was they who yelled “CHECKMATE.” Well done, Scrappers. Its my intentions to make sure our teams get another chance to sit at the chess board again during the playoffs.

My next blog is gonna be about the stats that came from this gritty bout. So though I didn’t give you any on this post, be assured I’ll be breaking down the numbers in the next one.

In the meantime, I’d like to invoke a little reader participation and I want to hear what was your favorite moment of this bout. Which skater blew your mind? Leave a comment below and share the moment from this bout you wont forget. Thanks readers!

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Alkaline Trina and yours truly

Out of the 12 girls we have on our roster, only two of them have ever known the feeling of winning a derby bout. Prima Donna is the O.G. Bombshell and being one of the founders of this great league, she was around during the Bombshells early winning days of Season 1. Celeste came to Bombshells this season after 4 very successful years with the Brutal Beauties dynasty. Other than these two ladies, not a single skater on this team has ever taken a victory lap. Most significantly the Bombshells 2nd most senior skater, Alkaline Trina, has never skated to victory. When we got the news that this would be her last bout with us before she moved back to Texas, the entire team’s focus shifted from just winning the bout, to wanting to win the bout for Trina. It was our desire to send off our beloved jammer with a win under her belt after 3 seasons.

Alkaline Trina has always held a very special place in my heart. When I first started coaching this team there was one skater that always stood out to me, and it was her. She was the smallest skater on the team, but what she lacked in size she made up with speed, desire, and good ole’ fashioned hard work. At practice, when some skaters would waffle, I could always expect that Trina would bring it every time for every drill. She stood out to me because the athlete that lives in her is almost a mirror image of the athlete that lives in me. I wasn’t the biggest or the strongest, no matter what sport I played. But I was jam packed full of desire, speed, and a hunger to learn the game so that I could use my mind more than my body when I play. Just like Trina. I looked to my leaders for guidance and took seriously what they gave me. Trina does that. I took that same advice and passed it on when it was my time to lead. Trina does that too. She put on a great performance for her farewell bout putting up 24 points and averaging 3.4 ppj (points per jam). She controlled most of her jams acquiring the lead jam 6 out of 7 times. She will be missed. Not just by this team, but by the lives of the people that she became a part of during her time here. I’m going to miss her so much I had to show her somehow, so I wore a special edition T-Shirt in her honor.

Did anyone happen to catch a glimpse of Celeste on the track? I think the only instances where I was able to get her in focus was when she was on the bench resting and when she went wheels-over-heals in the air in the beginning of the 4th quarter. I swear, it was like I was watching that moment in slow motion thinking like Ricky Bobby, “Oh man, she’s flying through the air. That ain’t good.” Other than that, the girl was in constant motion rotating around the track racking up points. She brings a much needed killer instinct to this team. She wants to dominate and destroy opponents and she did just that. She stepped in as our jammer 9 times and logged 50 points. Yes, you read that right. But I’ll repeat it just in case. She scored 50 of the Bombshells’ 121 points, in 9 jams. She logged jams of 7, 8, 8 and a mind blowing 10 point power jam. Her performance earned her the admiration of her team which voted her the game’s MVP. Well deserved.

We executed our game plan well against the Beauties, which was to neutralize their power blockers who like to hang out in the back of the pack. I understand it was the first bout of the season, however, we didn’t play at the level of derby excellence we strive for. There is much we need to do to get to that level. One thing we really need to work on is our awareness on the track. The ladies did a great job in containing the Beauties’ jammers for a majority of the bout, but there were too many instances where their jammers were coasting by a Bombshell blocker and they didn’t even realize it until they saw the star shoot by. Its easy to tell when they know they’ve missed her because I can see that look on the Bombshell’s faces the moment it happens like, “Aw sh*t! There she goes. Dammit!” We played a clean bout for the most part only logging 8 major penalties a couple of which came by way of accumulation of minors. I say that because I honestly thought we would have more for our first live action banked-track bout. We had a bit of scare in the first quarter when our power blocker, Ruff Ryder, picked up a major penalty in each of the first three jams she skated in. We weren’t half way through the 1st quarter and we still had 3 whole quarters to play and I had already watched our strongest blocker sit in the box three times. Two more majors and she was a gonner. It was like she was hyping herself up before the bout with some Ludacris the way she was throwin’ them ‘bows. And as I said before, and I’ll say it again, elbows are the number one killer of all the penalties in this game. Fortunately, Ruff Ryder was able to regroup and get her head back on because after that she didn’t log a single penalty for the rest of the bout.

I have to give much credit to our blockers. I’ve spent much time developing our blocking schemes that at times I think the Jammers feel like they don’t get enough individualized attention during practice. I don’t do a lot of Jammer-specific drills. The bout on Saturday made a good case as to why. We put 120 points up on the score board and the lion’s share of the credit goes to our blockers. Hellcat Maggie, Sho’Nuff, Samba Slugger, and Ruff Ryder and the rest of our blocking crew are the reasons we were able to put those kinds of points up. They created lanes and allowed the inherent agility and speed of our jammers to do the rest. Blockers win games, Jammers get the glory. We won that game in large part due to how these skaters executed our strategy.

The Brutal Beauties rookies stole the show on Saturday night. Their team as a whole showed a lot of great improvements with the addition of these new skaters. The break-out performance of the night goes to Kimber Slice. The announcers had a little difficulty with her name but I don’t think any of us will forget it again the way she ripped the Bombshells apart. We were able to contain her on a few jams but what impressed me was how smart she played after breaking the pack. She completely owned the track the three times she had lead jam. The three times she acquired lead jam she had jams of 4, 4, and 5 points. These jams were devastating to us because she blazed through our pack, scored her points, called off the jam, and the Bombshells jammer had to skate off the track with 0 points, EACH TIME. She put up 13 unanswered points for her team. If she can find more support from her blockers to help her get out of the pack first, she’s going to be a Beauty to be reckoned with in bouts to come. In this case, I don’t think its fair to say, “Welcome to derby, Kimber Slice.” I think its more appropriate to say, “Welcome to Kimber Slice, derby!”

The Beauties top point scorer was also a rookie. The “LAP” Dancer sits at the top of the point totals with 25 points averaging 2.5 ppj. She jammed for her team the most, putting that star on her helmet 10 times during the bout. Also, I would upgrade Pint-Sized Punch to a Quart-Sized Punch after the improvements I saw in her jamming game from last month. Her point totals and averages went up while the frequency of her jamming went down. Last month she jammed 13 times for 15 points and an average of 1.1 points per jam. Saturday night she jammed 8 times for 18 points and an average of 2.25 ppj. That’s a nice jump. This in itself shows how much of an impact the rookies are having on this team. They picked up at least two rookies that could fill in at the Jammer spot right out of Fresh Meat. They just didn’t have enough jammers last month and I think that made all the difference this month because they put up more points against us than they did in the last bout. And speaking of Jammers, where was Tabby T-Bag all night? We didn’t see her jam till the 4th quarter. I found that a bit curious considering she was the Beauties’ top point scorer in last month’s bout, scoring half of her team’s points. Each team thinks and does things differently, but if it was me managing I wouldn’t have waited till the 4th quarter to put in the jammer that has already shown she can get lead jam, score points and call off jams. Overall, the Beauties were a much better looking team this month. Not only do I think so, but the numbers say so too.

I gotta give it up to the captains and leaders of the Bombshells and Brutal Beauties, Lady Lawless and Red Rocker, respectively. Lady Lawless was the spark plug that not only got her team going, but she had the fans going as well. She played a big part in leading and directing the blocking schemes on the track which translated to easy pickins for our jammers. She hyped up the crowd and sent the Bombshells into half time with a boat-load of momentum with her 10 point power jam at the end of the 2nd quarter. She didn’t wear the star very much on the night but she was efficient when she did. She put up 18 unanswered points. She had 3 jams, owned ‘em all from start to finish, doing her part to shut out the opposing jammer each time. She had two jams of 4 points to the Beauties 0 and had the highest average of the night with 6 ppj. I really enjoy watching Red Rocker skate. She’s fierce and she has no quit in her. When I see her skate up to the high side of the track, I know only one thing is to follow: DEVASTATION TO ALL BELOW. She laid some great hits on every corner of the track and almost sent one of our jammers out of the track between the guard rail and the kick rail. She’s consistently exhibits great sportswomanship. When she stepped off the track, she was ready to have a good time and even took a few moment to razz it up with Lawless and I at the after party. I had fun watching the two of them bounce off of each other repeatedly during a jam in the 2nd half. It was like watching a bee trapped inside the house that’s trying to get out but doesn’t realize it keeps flying into a window….bzzzzzzzzz……DOINK……bzzzzzzzzz……DOINK……bzzzzzzzz….DOINK!

The win was a great experience and it took a little while for it to actually sink in. When I was asked to step in as coach last season, my goal was to help these skaters get a win. Ideally it would have happened last season, but the bright side was that we got better after each loss and learned something different that we took into the next bout. We became more and more hungry for that win after each loss. Last season a lot of the skaters were brand new and didn’t know much about this game and the way it’s played and they were being led by a guy who didn’t know the first thing about derby, much less how to strategize for it. After a year of losing and lot of hard work during the off season we have all finally reached our goal of grabbing a win. Everyone played a role in this achievement, from the captains and coaches to the rookies and team managers. The Bombshells rained down on the Coliseum last Saturday night and the fans responded with flattering praise. I love to see them all stand up and cheer for my skaters because they work so hard and they deserve that type of recognition. Part of me believes they were as anxious to see us win as we were. I’m grateful the fans stuck with us from our losing flat track days and it paid off for them as we were able to quench their thirst for a Bombshells’ win at the well of the banked track. We’ve achieved that goal, and now its time to move on to the next one. Obviously we want to keep winning, but the next concrete goal on my mind is to get into the playoffs and make a run for the trophy.

We finally ended the drought and we did it in convincing fashion. The crowd was speckled with red and their thunderous cheers gave me a very cold rush. We’re still in the Arizona desert, but things aren’t so hot anymore. The Bombshells brought a red storm into the Coliseum. Better bring your rain coats next month; ’cause the way the skies look now, this storm ain’t lettin’ up any time soon.

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Celeste in her natural environment

I think the words Celeste and Tenacity are synonymous. She’s on a new team this season and as the Coach I can say that she is and will be an important piece to the Bombshells success this season. This skater used to OWN a banked track. Yes, she had her own banked track. I was joking with a Fresh Meat about this and she joked, “Yeah, I wonder what the tour of her house was like: here’s the kitchen, this is my living room, this is the study, that’s a banked track, and this is my bedroom.” LOL. I’ll be the first to admit that I was reserved about bringing her onto the Bombshells, but whatever doubts I had back then are gone now. She’s proven her dedication to this team and we embrace her as if she’s been on it forever. Of the three Bombshells that participated in the demo-bout, Celeste was the only one that got to get in there and jam. She had a few impressive runs as a jammer, especially one in which she fell out of the pack second to Dolly de los Muertos, but was able to pass her and attain the lead jammer position. We can all expect her to be a high scoring jammer. She’s small, quick, and most of all, she’s tough. If you’ve got streamers in your face, its because she’s passing you.

The team’s new Captain, Lady Lawless, has been steppin’ up her game since last season ended. And I don’t just mean after the Championship bout, I mean after the regular season when the Bombshells were eliminated from playoff contention. Most players and teams took a bit of an “Off” season, but not this skater. As soon as last season was over, she was already looking to next season because she was tired of losing. I know this because I was skating right next to her and often acted as a human hitting pad. We can all expect that same ferocity out of her that we were introduced to last season, and like I mentioned previously, she gave the crowd a little taste with that hit she put on Mighty Menace at the demo bout. She’s a nagging blocker who causes trouble for opposing jammers and blockers. More often than not I hear the phrase, “GET LAWLESS OFF OF ME!” come from opposing jammers when she’s on the track. She loves the contact. She craves it.

Look for Alkaline Trina to shine this season as well. She was bullied by just about every blocker out there last season. I remember countless times where she would get knocked to the floor at least three or four times a jam but was up and back in hot pursuit of the pack before anyone knew she fell. She never EVER gives up. She has NO quit in her. None, zero, nada, zilch. This new format makes her greatest strengths, speed and determination, exponentially dangerous.

With these three veterans, the Bombshells are gonna be a force this season. Be there when they explode.

*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick*Tick…….

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