Dry Mouth
I have a saying.
“The best thing about Tucson is the road headed north to Phoenix.”
Seriously, I don’t like that city. It has several bad associations with me: an ex-girlfriend, I took and failed a couple of bar exams in Tucson, and most of all, the U of A. Ugh, the U of A. Just the idea of going to that city puts a bad taste in my mouth.
That negative association took a rest when I headed down there a couple weekends ago with the Phoenix RattleSkates to skate in a couple of flat track exhibition bouts against the Tucson Dry Heat Militia during the 2011 Dust Devil Tournament.
While we were there, Lawless and I had a chance to chat with Tucson Roller Derby skater Sami Automatic. We skated with her at March Radness and she was another camper whose skills got her chosen to skate in the LA v. SD bout. She explained that the Dust Devil Tournament was the first nation wide roller derby tournament and started in 2006.
It was the first flat track tournament that I’ve ever attended and the two track set up was pretty impressive. There were teams there from all over the country and I was crazy excited to be in the building to see the second day of competition.
The RattleSkates were slated to compete against Tucson in an all men’s bout then again in a co-ed bout where we teamed up with the ladies of Arizona Roller Derby and the Militia with the ladies of Tucson Roller Derby.
I was amped to skate in an organized bout. This would be the second one I would compete in. I skated in my first officiated bout with the Tucson guys in early December of 2010 against the Colorado Rolling Bones so I was familiar with their talent.
These guys can skate. They have a relentless Jammers in Dick Quad and solid Blockers in Kick Me, Bonus Jonas, and Rotten Rodney. These guys were challenging to deal with on the track.
Kick Me is patient, controlled and deliberate in his blocking and I want to learn how to skate sideways and transition off of blocks like that guy. He makes it look easy.
Bonus Jonas is pesky, agile and can change direction while positional blocking like its nobody’s business. I found myself crashing with him on many occasions.
Rotten Rodney is a big boat of a man who was always waiting for me in the front of the pack if ever I made it by the rest of his teammates and its tough to move him off that inside line. I swear, every time I Jammed and thought I was home free out of the pack, no doubt the next thing I found myself saying in my head, “F**k, Rodney again.”
Tucson controlled the bout from start to finish starting with a 19-0 Jam in the very first Jam. Ultimately, they came away with the win. We made a couple of runs here and there but by the time they were up by 40 points, the score didn’t matter anymore and that was for two reasons.
Number 1: It was late in the game and it didn’t look promising that we would come back.
Number 2: Half the RattleSkates were ejected from the bout by that point.
Myself included. I was the first one they rolled the red carpet out for to exit the playing area. Shitty. Disappointing. Frustrating. I just drove an hour and half to this god forsaken place and my play limited me to 1 half of skating and I had to watch my team play with nothing I could do.
I was out the door 2 jams into the 2nd half because I stacked up 5 majors in the first half. That left me very little wiggle room for the second half.
I wiggled too much.
I take responsibility for the fact that I wasn’t solid on WFTDA Rules. I had given the document a few runs through to get the basic differences between WFTDA and WORD but the application of the rules is what screwed me. I was learning on the fly and there were some major differences between flat and banked track derby that had me a little uncomfortable.
The biggest one was all the damn whistles. There’s the whistles to start the jam, a whistle for when Lead Jam is established and all the whistles in between to remove skaters from the track for committing majors. For those not familiar with WFTDA, they blow a whistle at you and send you off the track as soon as you commit the penalty. It’s not like WORD where you finish out the Jam and serve it on the next one.
I’m used to hearing 3 whistles. Blocker Start whistle, Jammer Start whistle, and End Jam whistle. Not WFTDA. Those refs are whistle happy. Every time I thought the Jam was ending it was really to send a skater off the track. I couldn’t get myself into a rhythm.
The next issue was all the changes in track personnel as a result of the skaters being sent on and off the track. Since the Jams last 2 minutes, you could be sent off the track to serve a 1 minute penalty and then possibly end up skating back on for the rest of that same Jam. First there’s 3 blockers, then there’s 1, then there’s 2, then 3 again. And if the Jammers are serving penalties you have to be aware of when one is going off the track to turn the Jam into a Power Jam right in the middle of things.
Too much thinking. Can’t compute…. DERBY OVERLOAD! DERBY OVERLOAD! It made my head explode.
The last thing was getting used to not having that extra blocker on the outside line. Where I would usually have a rail on the outside of the banked track, all I had now was a rope under a piece of tape to guide me. I was sailing out of play way to often and it rendered my blocks ineffective.
I also wasn’t staying conscious of that outside line when I was being blocked. A number of my penalties were for cutting because I was hit out and I failed to notice it.
The first bout was just a shitty performance and I offered very little other than keeping the penalty box seat warm for the next RattleSkate that would make his entrance. I was happy when it was over. I was so disappointed with the way I played I immediately uploaded the video of the bout to my laptop and watched it to try and learn from all the mistakes I made. I was gonna do better in the next bout.
The second co-ed bout was way better. I just calmed it down and played a more controlled game. The nerves from the first bout had settled and I had a better understanding of the rules and their application.
I was having more fun. I didn’t take this game as seriously.
Not the case for the Tucson team. This is where that bad taste for the city of Tucson made its way back onto my palate.
I participate with the RattleSkates very sporadically because my time is devoted to AZDD. When they need me, I’m there ready to skate, so I’m not up on what goes on behind the scenes. I walked into some turmoil between Phoenix and the Tucson teams that I wasn’t totally clear on. I really didn’t care, I just wanted to skate. I had an idea, and it became clearer before the 2nd bout started.
Before the co-ed bout started the apparent Tucson leader, Rotten Rodney, was being resistant about the team rosters. To my understanding he made it clear that one of our skaters, Evol Ernie, wouldn’t be allowed to skate in the co-ed bout because he wasn’t on the roster.
The same point was made to another one of our guest skaters from Oregon, Speed Dealer. Sorry, you’re not on the roster, you can’t play. I was standing right there when Rodney dismissed him and that’s when I saw it for myself.
I thought this was in bad form. Total dick move. Really? For a exhibition co-ed bout that doesn’t mean anything, you’re gonna exclude people from our team that are ready and willing to skate?
Ernie drove an hour and a half down to that shitty-ass city to play in two bouts and you’re gonna tell him now after he waited since 11 am this morning (bout started at 4:15) that he can’t play?
Speed Dealer being from Oregon, C’MON MAN! Show some hospitality for our guests. Let’s have some fun and promote the fellowship of roller derby.
The Dry Heat Militia need to loosen up a bit; cause they’re not a real militia. I don’t know the full story, but I witnessed why our Phoenix team has an issue with the way they’re running their team. It was pretty plain and simple to see: They’re exclusive.
There’s no room for that in men’s derby. They need to ditch the attitude I saw them exhibit to their fellow skater, opponent or not.
I wonder if they realize that we’re riding on the coat tails of the women. The only reason the Phoenix and Tucson men’s team exists is because of the support our respective women’s leagues have given us. This sport belongs to the women so I don’t see the utility in excluding guys from a bout who are gonna put on a good show for the fans. Ernie and Speed Dealer have crazy skills on their skates.
That should be objective #1: Putting on a good show. We’re already skating against the grain because we’re dudes. Why are we being dicks to eachother in a co-ed exhibition bout?
That was the point that made all of this really annoying and petty. If we’re playing in a sanctioned bout that means something, by all means, please, be adamant about the roster. Advocate for your team. But c’mon man, this bout doesn’t mean anything, its an exhibition, and its co-ed. Why is it an issue to say, “sure, you can skate.” Especially because we were hurting for bodies. The bout almost didn’t happen.
By their actions, the Tucson team gave me the impression they were more interested in winning and promoting their team, than skating and promoting men’s derby.
I later come to find out that Quadzilla asked to be a guest skater on the Tucson team and they declined.
Wow.
Wow, Dry Heat. I can’t imagine who they think they are that they wouldn’t allow Quadzilla to participate. I hate to break it to the Dry Heat, but they’re small potatoes. As I said, we all are. Its bad enough they’re from a crappy town like Tucson, I don’t think its smart, nor do they have the room to turn down skaters. Especially on a team of 8 or 9, I think.
I’m dissapointed I didn’t get the chance to skate against Quadzilla, knowing the opportunity was there. I’ve seen his videos on YouTube and a chance to share the track with a skater of his caliber would have been pretty dope. I think the fans would have enjoyed it too.
My final thought on this whole ordeal: The Militia are awesome skaters. They have way more ability and skill than the Phoenix team. That’s my honest assessment, but their talent was overshadowed by attitude. That’s really what I’ll remember most about the Tucson team. How petty they we’re being about who could or could not skate in a meaningless bout; not the fact that they were tough and challenging opponents.
Who knows. I could have things totally wrong, but I’m only sharing the experience that I had.
The women are better than us at derby and they’re better than us at promoting it and making it grow. Lets not be better than them at petty drama bullshit. Guys shouldn’t be better than the ladies at that. The Dry Heat should change their attitude or I think their talent will be appreciated as much as Terrel Owens’.
The bad taste in my mouth was aggravated by the dry mouth the Dry Heat left with me for their group. I have an understanding now as to why their founders decided to disassociate themselves with the remaining group of skaters. Best of luck to them, they’re awesome skaters, but no one’s gonna want to participate with them if they’re selective as to who they participate with. They don’t have that luxury. There aren’t enough guys that play this sport.
Ok. I’m moving on now.
A few points concerning one of my first experience with WFTDA and how it compares to the banked track.
First, WFTDA Rules suck. And I don’t just say that because it was one of my first real bouts under those rules and I racked up 7 penalty points that got me ejected; I say that because they suck.
There are a lot of intricacies that take the fun out of the game and the strategy that is implemented to bend the rules is confusing at times. I don’t think its as fan friendly as the bank. I have a lot to learn about it and I truly do want to get better at the flat track game. I’m not dismissing it, I just think the rules blow.
I will compliment the flat track skaters because I think their surface is more physically demanding of them. Man, its hard Jamming around that track when you don’t have a bank and gravity to assist you. As a Jammer, I enjoy using the bank for building speed and for beating Blockers. I had no such luxury in these bouts. When it comes to endurance, the flat track skaters are superior to the banked track skaters.
Second, I enjoyed playing with the ladies of AZRD. I’m eager to play more men’s derby, but I coach and skate with women, so that’s where I’m at home.
Men are more concerned with being individual superstar standouts and laying destructive hits. The women play together and I found myself more in sync with the AZRD ladies than I did with my own teammates at time, and I think that’s because these ladies are much more familiar with basic strategy.
My favorite Jams were when I was Blocking with Pardon My French. Awesome Blocker. She goes in with a plan, she’s clear in communicating it, and she sticks with it throughout the Jam. I felt I played solidly when I was following her lead.
I was most impressed with Sigmund Droid. She’s a squirrely little Jammer and I think she scored a majority of our points. She finds the right paths through the pack, and if she happens to run into a road block, she just finds another route. I enjoy seeing the small people succeed.
I hope I get another opportunity to participate in something like this again very soon. I had a kick ass time learning this variation of derby (albeit, the hard way) and meeting more people from the derby community.
I’m salivating at the mouth to get the chance to skate in a bout again. I’m addicted to the feeling that come with competing in derby, but I’m not sure when I’ll have the chance to quench this thirst again.
In the meantime, I’m studying WFTDA.
Time to really learn something new.
Comments (14)
No excuses coach, you are a stickler for rules and should of been studying them period. Was it another humbeling experience?
Thats all
Well said, Nemesis. No excuses.
It was indeed a very humbling experience. I’m always humbeled when I get the opportunity to play. I’m grateful for what I’ve found in derby.
As for the “bivas” no betchassness, they should have their ovaries drop into balls. Or like the great and powerful lady gaga says, “dont be a drag be a queen”
Nicely written article, however please don’t be too hard on us. The roster had to be enforced because of insurance. I know Castle Sports Club is a little bit more leniant, however the TCC is very strict on the insurance policy, and anyone not on the roster was not covered. Phoenix had ample time to put them on the roster, and they were aware of the insurance issues ahead of time, so believe me, we weren’t trying to exclude anyone. We had to. If you want to blame anyone, blame the lawyers that force us to have insurance
Quadzilla was another issue – the fact that it was demanded that he was allowed to skate sorta put the nail in the coffin there. It is unfortunate that it came to that, but there are other reasons as well. You are right, Dry Heat IS small potatoes. And some folks didn’t want to be overshadowed by Quadzilla. Others wanted to play on our own, and show that we COULD be victorious without him. Be that right or wrong, you should know that Puget Sound Outcast was invited to play in that slot. All I got for a reply was a question as to whether or not it was for MDC ranking. So it’s not like he isn’t welcome here.
I know the rumor mill is stirring. And there is a lot of bad blood towards us from our old skaters. But there are reasons for all of our actions, and be they right or wrong we are doing what we think is best. The old skaters are all invited back, however most refuse to speak to us. If you want to call anything petty, I’d say that is for sure. And I know one in particular who kept us apart from TRD, claiming that they were dying and we didn’t want to be a part of that. Of course, they don’t tell you that.
I assure you, we aren’t bad guys. I’m tired of hearing how awful we are from people who don’t know the whole story, who haven’t seen both sides. We don’t think we are better than everyone, hell, this was our first win as a team (the other one was under the Rattleskates name, while we played, we haven’t won as the “Militia” before).
I think what is truly best for derby is for people to stop the behind-the-back talking and slander. You are very right, there’s not enough guys to go around. However I believe if someone has a problem with their league they should stand up and do something about it. The first guy who left had a fit because someone did just that. They suggested a new board, and so he stepped down and left. He was even nominated to be on the new directors! He declined, and left because the new board “wasn’t doing it right”. I don’t know what that means, but I think getting insurance and bouting is right for any league. While I don’t respect that decision, we welcome him back, along with anyone else. The things I’ve heard back are quite hurtful, and not at all constructive to men’s derby.
Whether or not you agree with our choices, you had a good time playing at an amazing venue. It could have been better, yes. We could have had more skaters and a reduced need for subs. Just know that the Militia isn’t excluding anyone (unless we legally have to of course) and our old skaters are merely excluding themselves.
I’ve said my piece, I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for it (because I always do) but I always tell everything straight up. If you ever want to discuss our policies you are welcome to contact me, facebook, email, whatever. While I don’t always agree we make the best choices, I promise they are always made with the best intentions, and support of our group.
Thanks for reading,
–Kick Me
Thanks for the comment Kick Me. Not mad ‘atcha for standing up for your squad. Respect.
Sigmund Droid found herself as a derby skater at the dust devil im pretty sure. She tore it up every game she was in.
Thank you for reading Danielson! Respect for you as well.
I love it!! Wished I could have seen it!
It was a good read. I am one of the group of founders that left. We all had our own reasons. I can only speak for myself. If u want to know why keep reading.
I understood that DHD was a small operation that resembled a derby skate club rather than a league. That is true today. There were things I could overlook just to skate derby. Like, you cannot expect dues and do fund raising without a business license, full contact with members of the Brats program, questionable relations with under aged females, policies being created on the fly. Policies not being followed, the incomplete DHD handbook, no term limits set for board members, board members did not include any Phx reps, Big chips on the shoulders of board members limiting (some) subs, and not others. ECT ECT..
Then after being disrespected on the track by Kick Me (a board member at the time). I was pissed. I am pretty simple.. Disrespect me and mess with what I love and want to take your head off. Doesn’t help I had already been irritated by him form our 16 hr road trip to Utah. I stepped back and looked to see if it was all worth it. I came up with No.
Do I feel right making a skater leave? Nope. Do I want to surround myself with anyone irritating? Nope. Do I want to be associated with this? Nope. Do I handle being pissed off very well? Nope.
I have learned to distance myself from people that set me off. Kick Me, that would be you. I will continue to say hi and acknowledge you as a male player. Do I want to skate and hang out? No, but I will continue to refer skaters to DHD in hopes that you are successful and move forward doing things the right way. So, best of luck to my former league. The power is in your hands not to let history repeat itself.
Thanks,
Johnny Smokescreen.
I felt the exact same way about the coed bout…If people wanna play then LET THEM PLAY!!! I guess that saying “if you build it they will come” doesn’t clarify that if they come…you need to let them play derby…..especially for a bout thats supposed to be fun and laid back….but even after all the unnecessary drama, it was an amazingly fun game and I enjoyed playing with some really great skaters:)
thanks for the shout out!!!!!!
Hmmmmmm……well, I gave this a few days to see all sides, because what I wanted to say on the road out to Tucson was even worse then what Daniel said. I have not had much contact with any of the leagues in Tucson. After 2 weeks of almost daily contact with many skaters, both male and female since then between the Dust Devil and the Country Thunder Co-ed and Female Bank Track Tournament I organized, I feel like I have a little right to say something…even if I don’t and I don’t know all of the drama details, I don’t really care cause I am going to say it anyway…..
First, we came to the tournament at 7:30 am to make sure that we were early for the men’s tournament. I had already heard some of the behind the scenes drama about Quadzilla. I don’t know the guy, I don’t know the story. I tried to understand the position that they didn’t want him overshadowing everything, that they wanted to make this their own. There’s some worth in that.
So why allow Speed Dealer or Billy Motion to skate? If you are going to make a rule, follow it, but whatever. Each team got one great skater respectively so who cares. I watched Quadzilla sit on the side line the whole time and cheer and be very respectful, so props to him for being above the bullshit. I follow the same motto, haters gonna hate.
What left the nasty taste in my mouth about all of this is what came next. I spent the next 7 hours sitting and waiting for the next game that the guys had an opportunity to skate in. Did I get to see some great derby? Sure. Did I get to meet some great people? Sure. I even got my boob grabbed by a drunk AZRD cutie.
Then, at 3:45 after sitting all day, after watching all of those guys sit and wait for a co-ed game that would claim no ranking, even after watching a couple of skaters drink, all of the sudden the shit hit the fan. All of the sudden Rotten Rodney chose to remember that certain guys wouldn’t be able to skate, particularly Speed and Ernie.
After sitting that whole time you just all of the sudden decided to mention it to them Rotten Rodney? I watched the Rattlesnakes scramble and Bombz try to advocate for his team. Then I watched what was worst of all, I watched 2 guys, sit on the sidelines, shoulders slumped in disappointment. I watched them cheer their team on after sitting for 7 hours believing they would be right there with them….after all they had both played in the morning game 7 hours earlier. Seems like a reasonable expectation.
Now luckily, I have never had to sit on the sidelines and watch my team skate, thank God. Knowing how much I love this it would kill me. But I also get the chance to play in a bout or tournament 15-20 times a year. These guys get it 4, maybe. I have a warehouse and a track available to m every day. These guys don’t. They don’t have the option of saying, oh well, I’ll skate next month.
One thing I have learned about these guys is that when they get the opportunity to skate they all jump. The clean warehouses, they ref, they volunteer, they drive hundreds of miles at the drop of a dime just to have an opportunity. When it falls through it is not the same as it is for me. It is 20 times as devastating.
To learn that this devastation comes from one of your own on some crazy, psycho exclusive power trip is disgraceful. Yeah I said it. It’s not how a leader acts, and not how someone who is supposed to be promoting a sport does.
I don’t know half these people and I don’t know the drama. And honestly, I don’t care. What I got to see was the conveniently, untimely delivered decision, a scramble and devastation. That’s all I care about.
So this is what I have to say about Tucson: Great Restaurants, I have some great new and old friends there. Great skaters. The women of TRD, are some of the nicest classiest people I have ever met. Big props especially to my girl Zippy and Cosma.
Now as for the Tucson men’s league. You can blame whatever you want on lawyers. I happen to be one, and I get the legal disclaimers and crap. I think you’re using this as a cop out. If this was the case why wait to 30 min before the game to all the sudden be on the up and up with your legal obligations. Why not deliver the news at 9am before those guys sat all day thinking they were gonna play. For Christ sake they could have at least had a beer.
It is unfortunate that history is plagued with groups of minorities whose worst enemies are their own that are in power. If they would ban together in one collective voice and treat each other inclusively and with respect that they so adamantly command, rather then seek to exclude their own they could do a lot of wonderful things. Otherwise they will forever be stuck.
You are all right. I take full responsibility for everything wrong with men’s derby in Tucson. I will remove myself from the equation and all will be better.
No, that’s not exactly right now is it? But I’m removing myself nevertheless. Things will still go wrong. People will still hold grudges. And Tucson will still get blamed for the fact that Phoenix left a few of their skaters off of the roster by mistake.
This is how life works. People make mistakes. But as long as everyone is up in arms trying to point the finger at someone instead of actually trying to fix something, nothing will get better. I’m no longer proud to work for this. It isn’t a community, it is a warzone.
As said by Kick Me, Evol, Speed Dealer, and Quadzilla, were not allowed to play because of insurance issues, and as he also said, the Rattleskates were asked several times, quite some time before the bout to submit a roster for the Dust Devil. While it might not have been considered a “sanctioned” bout, that went towards any tournament standing or placement, it still had to be covered by insurance, because of the pure and simple fact that we play a game that involves ramming our bodies into one another, which at times, can end up in us seriously injuring one another. This was extremely important to us to stand by after the first bout in particular, as Brewz Train, to our knowledge at the time (and now, as far as I know) had to be ran to the hospital. I had to let his family in the skating area, and that’s what they told me was going to be done. If that had happened to any uninsured skater, it would have been told disaster for them and us.
While I agree, that people know what they’re getting into, and if they want to skate, they should be allowed to, while playing a real sport, that people have paid to come see, rules should be stood by, and being as official as possible will be, if no one else’s, my priority.
That being said, we know we’re small time, and had the suggested guest skaters been entered on time, they would have skated with us no problem. Regarding Quadzilla, not to sound ignorant and mean, but I know who he is, everyone who’s played this sport for any reasonable amount of time knows who he is. Hell, I too have watched the YouTube videos in awe, and learned a lot from watching him skate, but that doesn’t change the fact that he wasn’t entered on time. Just because he’s an acknowledged superstar within this community doesn’t mean we’re going to step down when there’s even that slight chance that he’ll get hurt and have to explain that it was our bout that it happened in, uninsured.
We loved skating with you guys, and I’d really love to see everyone back, it truly was a blast. Insure Quadzilla, insure Speed Dealer, insure everyone, and bring them on. We’re not elitists, we just love to skate as a team, and anyone wanting to join is more then welcome to.
Also, thank you, I’m flattered to be acknowledged as a jammer. You don’t even know. Thank you.
- DQ
Also, +1 to this
LADY LAWLESS
“So why allow Speed Dealer or Billy Motion to skate? If you are going to make a rule, follow it, but whatever. Each team got one great skater respectively so who cares. I watched Quadzilla sit on the side line the whole time and cheer and be very respectful, so props to him for being above the bullshit. I follow the same motto, haters gonna hate.”
Not once did I see Quadzilla actually complain about not being able to skate. He seemed a bit disappointed if nothing else. Thank you for being understanding.